Thursday, June 11, 2009

The first big meeting

Yesterday, June 10th, I had my first sit down w/a team over a the VA. This VA is the only one in the country w/a Board comprised specifically for breast cancer. That's awesome! Basically, what happened was they did a BRCA (sounds like BRACCA) to see if there is some crazy mutant gene in me....go figure...must have been too much tequila in my 20's.....Just kidding. If I do have it, it is because I have inherited it via my mother's side of the family.

The other part was to complete an MRI where they basically "light up" my dragon breast to see how quickly it is moving (for which my thoughts beg, "please be still, please be still"). Unfortunately, I ended up with a completely swollen and hurting arm that kept me up for awhile last night because the nurse/tech, said my vein collapsed.....Uh - you used the SAME arm they just drew blood out of lady... Anyway, picture this, if you will, lying on a table face down - I don't think I like that position anymore!!! - with a needle in your arm. All you can feel is your arm swell up and oh s*** - that hurts. She didn't realize it at first, and I couldn't see it (thank God) but when I didn't light up, she knew and removed the needle (thank you very much). ;) At first I was highly annoyed and had to bite my tongue, after all, this IS the test that will confirm whether or not I have one or both of my girls removed. Nice. So, lucky me, I get to return tomorrow (Friday) for another "shot" at it. She will do it tomorrow morning at 0700, meaning I have to leave my house by 0400. I KNOW it wasn't on purpose, and I am NOT angry with her - it was a mistake, that's all. Long way to go for a mistake. Sherry and Ferell were with me which was great because I wasn't left to drive home with my thoughts all to myself. I'm SOOOO glad they were there, I needed their support more than I knew.

This is overwhelming at the least, but I am grateful for as we waited for the blood draw, we watched a young man walk by with a nurse holding onto him. Clearly he had a severe brain injury. My heart ached for him, and for his mother.

So, referencing the BRCA, if I have the bad gene, it will be in my best interest to remove both breasts and do chemo.....if I do not and it hasn't traveled, we might get away w/the loss of one, or even a lumpectomy (which is highly doubtful due to the type of cancer I have). I've been trying to decide which part of this sucks more, losing my breasts, losing my hair (?!?), or having to endure months of painful chemo. I do know what the best part of this is though - this time next year, I WILL be cancer free!!! Maybe not forever cured, but I will have the dragon cast from my body. AND, I will get new girls.

Timeline - by Friday afternoon, we should know more about the MRI results. Hopefully w/in 10 days, we will know about the gene good or bad. As for surgery, it looks sometime during the week of June 29th.

Leslie confirmed for me that I'm not going crazy; laughing, crying, and being mad as hell, is supposed to be normal. Nothing's normal for me right now and so I'm hanging on to the fact that I know the road that lies ahead will be the biggest challenge I have ever faced, but I will control this thing, I will not allow it to control me. Yeah - that's to all...


  1. Keep the faith, and stay strong. You are in my prayers always and all ways. Kathy

  2. My heart just wants to cry for you but I must remain strong for you! I just wish I could say the magic word and it will all go away.

  3. I am praying. I find your journaling to be a wonderful way to keep others updated and your sanity. I am so very glad Sherry and Ferell are there with you. I just know God is going to be glorified in all of this somehow. Remember in Isaiah 41:10 the Lord promises this: "I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."