I had a visit with my Oncologist here in Melbourne today. I will be adding his photo to the blog here as part of my "team". We discussed several things and I found that I will need to get the Swine Flu shot when it comes out in October to help protect my compromised system. I won't change my diet, although most foods will taste pretty bad. He just encourages me to eat what I can with the exception of raw or undercooked foods. Good advice there.
I realize that this whole thing sets me back six months (or a year total), but when I really think about it I think, "six months....from what?" My degree? Work? My children? No, I've decided that this is not setting me back, it is helping me take a step forward for the next several years of my life. So taking things a little slower for awhile is okay by me. And all I ask of anyone is patience....and faith.
I also talked to my doc about my thesis for my Master's degree. I asked him that from a physicians standpoint, which would he rather read: Information on Triple Negatives or Breast cancer and how it affects the lives (livelihood) of those it touches? He said he'd rather read about how patients learn to manage their day to day lives (i.e., work, family, homes). Believe me, everything changes and most of it I no longer stress over.
So, here's my charge to all of you....Of those two subjects, what would you rather read about? And if there's anything else you would like to add, please, please, feel free to do so. I don't just want to write any thesis paper, I want to write a GOOD one! Cheers~
Friday, August 28, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Appointment after Appointment
The last few weeks have consisted of doctor appointment after doctor appointment. Virtually every single day I am off to meet a new specialist who checks another part of me to ensure I can withstand the chemotherapy.
My journey thus far has not been uneventful. I have had the opportunity to meet brilliant people and ask thousands of questions of them - and others online, to educate myself.
My newest doc to join the team is a heart specialist. What a nice guy....ok, what a fine man he is (Peruvian)...and here's a good laugh - I am his youngest patient...woohoo - a good sign for the human race. :) According to the Muaga scan, my heart "number" is 71 and anything over 50 is good. There are only two words for the numbers, good and bad. 51 is equal to 71 is equal to 91 so just because I am above the 50 mark, doesn't mean my heart is better than someone with a score of 55.
My appointment on Monday in Tampa resulted in the drain not being removed. It is still stuck in my side and I hope for it to come out tomorrow, but I won't hold my breath. The idea is to get the fluids/drainage way down. If it keeps giving me a problem, I'll have the expanders removed until after the chemotherapy. I will not screw around with my life just to have nice looking twins. I can have them fixed later. My priority is to get through the next six months - alive and as healthy as I can be.
One more thing I'd like to make special note of. Laurie Erickson has an online scarf and hair ornament site. There are some beautiful scarves and barrettes and other accessories. Laurie also has a program called "It's a Wrap". This program donates a lovely scarf to women with cancer who are/have lost their hair. Isn't this amazing?? Now think of the number of women you think have cancer.....then multiply that by 100 and you will probably be getting close...
She is actually having one made for me and I'm quite grateful. I am just so impressed at how they treat cancer patients that I want to personally acknowledge her right here. Thank you, Laurie!! You can visit her site at: www.franceluxe.com
My journey thus far has not been uneventful. I have had the opportunity to meet brilliant people and ask thousands of questions of them - and others online, to educate myself.
My newest doc to join the team is a heart specialist. What a nice guy....ok, what a fine man he is (Peruvian)...and here's a good laugh - I am his youngest patient...woohoo - a good sign for the human race. :) According to the Muaga scan, my heart "number" is 71 and anything over 50 is good. There are only two words for the numbers, good and bad. 51 is equal to 71 is equal to 91 so just because I am above the 50 mark, doesn't mean my heart is better than someone with a score of 55.
My appointment on Monday in Tampa resulted in the drain not being removed. It is still stuck in my side and I hope for it to come out tomorrow, but I won't hold my breath. The idea is to get the fluids/drainage way down. If it keeps giving me a problem, I'll have the expanders removed until after the chemotherapy. I will not screw around with my life just to have nice looking twins. I can have them fixed later. My priority is to get through the next six months - alive and as healthy as I can be.
One more thing I'd like to make special note of. Laurie Erickson has an online scarf and hair ornament site. There are some beautiful scarves and barrettes and other accessories. Laurie also has a program called "It's a Wrap". This program donates a lovely scarf to women with cancer who are/have lost their hair. Isn't this amazing?? Now think of the number of women you think have cancer.....then multiply that by 100 and you will probably be getting close...
She is actually having one made for me and I'm quite grateful. I am just so impressed at how they treat cancer patients that I want to personally acknowledge her right here. Thank you, Laurie!! You can visit her site at: www.franceluxe.com
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Dilated Eyes
Hi everyone!
Yesterday, I had to return to the ER in Tampa. I had a reaction to all the meds they have had me on and my left eye dilated and would not return to normal. It is still not completely back to where it should be, so it is blurry, but it is getting better. Fighting a headache that goes along w/dilated eyes, but it is going away as all the meds wear off.
I stopped taking all pain medications because of this, so I get to feel every little pinch or ping from Monday's surgery and I must admit that I believe my threshold for pain has been steadily rising.....positive thoughts, positive thoughts....
Today I'm still nauseated, but I'm sure that is due to the heavy antibiotics I am on. I will say that I am very pleased thus far with Monday's surgery. The scar lines will be much better as Dr. Albear did a fine job tightening up the area's of concern.
Anyway, this morning, I had to go in for what is called a "MUAGA" (sounds like mugga). After the nurse destroyed a couple more of my veins, they finally got a butterfly in, drew blood, spun it w/radioactive stuff and put it back in me. (Doesn't this sound fun??) I then had a machine placed closely to my side and above me that took 20 total minutes of pictures of my heart. The MUAGA is designed to provide the doctors a baseline and tell them how strong your heart is (to ensure you can take the killer chemo they want to administer). It was tolerable, but since the procedure, I've had a bit of heartburn and am feeling tired, which is unusual for me....oh well, small cost for big news I guess.
Oh, I can't wait until my days no longer revolve around doctor's offices and people poking me with needles. Within the next week or two, a port (for the chemo) will be inserted into my chest and all blood and drugs will be put in/out through that, so from that angle there is light......
Wishing you all a special weekend and hoping you take the time to really enjoy everything around you.....because I have learned that everything can change in a New York minute...now, go out and laugh, smile, dance, be silly - whatever makes you feel good!!
Yesterday, I had to return to the ER in Tampa. I had a reaction to all the meds they have had me on and my left eye dilated and would not return to normal. It is still not completely back to where it should be, so it is blurry, but it is getting better. Fighting a headache that goes along w/dilated eyes, but it is going away as all the meds wear off.
I stopped taking all pain medications because of this, so I get to feel every little pinch or ping from Monday's surgery and I must admit that I believe my threshold for pain has been steadily rising.....positive thoughts, positive thoughts....
Today I'm still nauseated, but I'm sure that is due to the heavy antibiotics I am on. I will say that I am very pleased thus far with Monday's surgery. The scar lines will be much better as Dr. Albear did a fine job tightening up the area's of concern.
Anyway, this morning, I had to go in for what is called a "MUAGA" (sounds like mugga). After the nurse destroyed a couple more of my veins, they finally got a butterfly in, drew blood, spun it w/radioactive stuff and put it back in me. (Doesn't this sound fun??) I then had a machine placed closely to my side and above me that took 20 total minutes of pictures of my heart. The MUAGA is designed to provide the doctors a baseline and tell them how strong your heart is (to ensure you can take the killer chemo they want to administer). It was tolerable, but since the procedure, I've had a bit of heartburn and am feeling tired, which is unusual for me....oh well, small cost for big news I guess.
Oh, I can't wait until my days no longer revolve around doctor's offices and people poking me with needles. Within the next week or two, a port (for the chemo) will be inserted into my chest and all blood and drugs will be put in/out through that, so from that angle there is light......
Wishing you all a special weekend and hoping you take the time to really enjoy everything around you.....because I have learned that everything can change in a New York minute...now, go out and laugh, smile, dance, be silly - whatever makes you feel good!!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Back Home!
Well, yesterday's (Monday, Aug 18th) surgery went pretty well and they let me come home. They opened up both breasts with specific attention to the left side. I had way too much fluid built up and they needed to ensure it was not a major infection. The "stuff" was sent for culture to make the determination. They also removed some fluid from the expander on the left side to give my breast a better chance to heal. They also put in another drain on the left side.....bummer....another new hole...lol Anyway, they were able to leave the expander in for right now and I'm hoping this will clear up very quickly because I was really hurting both before and after the surgery. BUT, it also gave Dr. Albear the opportunity to make a better closing on both sides - which I understand scarring will be more minimized (I think).
Back on pain medication for a little bit. Geesh, I know I'm going to get through this but I hate taking antibiotics and painkillers as my stomach is now always upset.
This time I will return to get the drain out on Monday (instead of two weeks) and then back over there again on Wednesday to have them recheck everything. I'm back to no driving until further notice, which means I may miss my first night of class for this next semester. That's the pits because I want to get through this one last class....maybe my awesome son will take me.....I hope, I hope, I hope....
Back on pain medication for a little bit. Geesh, I know I'm going to get through this but I hate taking antibiotics and painkillers as my stomach is now always upset.
This time I will return to get the drain out on Monday (instead of two weeks) and then back over there again on Wednesday to have them recheck everything. I'm back to no driving until further notice, which means I may miss my first night of class for this next semester. That's the pits because I want to get through this one last class....maybe my awesome son will take me.....I hope, I hope, I hope....
Friday, August 14, 2009
Actual Information
Well, today I had an appointment with my new Oncologist, Dr. Hoang, (I switched as my Tampa doc recommended a "Board Certified Oncologist") and I really got along well with him. He was kind, compassionate, and very informative.....From the beginning, this is what I learned, and I'm sharing it so that it might help someone else:
When learning a breast cancer exists, doctors look at age of patient, the size of the tumor(s), whether or not it invaded the lymph nodes, estrogen/progesterone positive or negative, grade (1, 2, 3), Her2neu (protein), and whether or not it is invasive (reaching out) or insitu (meaning encapsulated not reaching out). As you can imagine, these results can vary person to person.
As an example - One might be 45 (like me), with a 1.5 cm tumor, N0 (no lymph nodes involved), ER/PR negative, Grade 3 (very aggressive), Her2Neu negative, and invasive. To read it as a doctor puts it, I would be listed as: T1c, N0, Mx, ER/PR (-), Her2neu (-), and IDC (Invasive Ductal Cancer). (Or this is close anyway)
Next, Dr. Hoang explained (Adjuvant)chemotherapy to me (there are 4 generations). The first generation consisted of what is called CMF x6 ( x6 =6 months). The second generation of chemo produced AC x4 (if tumors were over 2 cm). The third one consists of AC x 4 (3 months), and then Taxane x 3 (weekly)(especially if lymph nodes are involved). Finally, the mean ones, the fourth generation. These basically kill your body without killing you and are usually reserved for Stage III and IV patients. They are called FAC, FEC, and FEC + Taxane. My sister Pam, a Stage III Triple negative endured the FEC + Taxane. She was miserable.
As for me: I am a Stage 1, Grade 3 patient; I get only one shot at making all cancer go away; I will do six months of chemotherapy 3/3 * (3 months of AC and 3 months of Taxane); The first three months will be the hardest; It is four rounds; once every three weeks; The last three months (Taxane) are weekly and should be easier on my body.
Now, this should be how my body progresses.
Day 1 - Day 7: First 3-4 days nausea/vomiting/tired :(
Day 8- Day 14: Low blood count - watch for infection (this is the most worrisome)
Day 15 - Day 21: Recovery period - I should feel pretty good. :)
As for tests, he is ordering a PET scan, a MUGA (heart ultrasound to ensure my heart is good - I know it is), and making plans to implant the port.
Wow, is this is a lot of information or what?? Once he laid it all out for me, I was able to better understand where I am at. As for school, he wants my primary focus to be on this care and getting better. It IS the beginning of my future. My chemo will be delayed until the end of September or first of October now due to this Monday's surgery so I am going to do this one last class and hope, hope, hope, for the best. After that, I'm taking a break and holding on for dear life.
I hope that I have explained this so that anyone who reads it can at least gather information and do research on their own in the unfortunate event it touches someone they know.
So, after the doctor's appointment, it was Chyla and Reina's turn. Shots with the Doc. Not good, poor little Reina screamed and of course, I dang near cried. She is such a little prissy...but alas, she was ok after they gave her to my sister.
This evening is closing with me watching Mo'nique in "Phat Girlz" - a good flick, and eating a bit of "Chunky Monkey" ice cream.....because I can....
When learning a breast cancer exists, doctors look at age of patient, the size of the tumor(s), whether or not it invaded the lymph nodes, estrogen/progesterone positive or negative, grade (1, 2, 3), Her2neu (protein), and whether or not it is invasive (reaching out) or insitu (meaning encapsulated not reaching out). As you can imagine, these results can vary person to person.
As an example - One might be 45 (like me), with a 1.5 cm tumor, N0 (no lymph nodes involved), ER/PR negative, Grade 3 (very aggressive), Her2Neu negative, and invasive. To read it as a doctor puts it, I would be listed as: T1c, N0, Mx, ER/PR (-), Her2neu (-), and IDC (Invasive Ductal Cancer). (Or this is close anyway)
Next, Dr. Hoang explained (Adjuvant)chemotherapy to me (there are 4 generations). The first generation consisted of what is called CMF x6 ( x6 =6 months). The second generation of chemo produced AC x4 (if tumors were over 2 cm). The third one consists of AC x 4 (3 months), and then Taxane x 3 (weekly)(especially if lymph nodes are involved). Finally, the mean ones, the fourth generation. These basically kill your body without killing you and are usually reserved for Stage III and IV patients. They are called FAC, FEC, and FEC + Taxane. My sister Pam, a Stage III Triple negative endured the FEC + Taxane. She was miserable.
As for me: I am a Stage 1, Grade 3 patient; I get only one shot at making all cancer go away; I will do six months of chemotherapy 3/3 * (3 months of AC and 3 months of Taxane); The first three months will be the hardest; It is four rounds; once every three weeks; The last three months (Taxane) are weekly and should be easier on my body.
Now, this should be how my body progresses.
Day 1 - Day 7: First 3-4 days nausea/vomiting/tired :(
Day 8- Day 14: Low blood count - watch for infection (this is the most worrisome)
Day 15 - Day 21: Recovery period - I should feel pretty good. :)
As for tests, he is ordering a PET scan, a MUGA (heart ultrasound to ensure my heart is good - I know it is), and making plans to implant the port.
Wow, is this is a lot of information or what?? Once he laid it all out for me, I was able to better understand where I am at. As for school, he wants my primary focus to be on this care and getting better. It IS the beginning of my future. My chemo will be delayed until the end of September or first of October now due to this Monday's surgery so I am going to do this one last class and hope, hope, hope, for the best. After that, I'm taking a break and holding on for dear life.
I hope that I have explained this so that anyone who reads it can at least gather information and do research on their own in the unfortunate event it touches someone they know.
So, after the doctor's appointment, it was Chyla and Reina's turn. Shots with the Doc. Not good, poor little Reina screamed and of course, I dang near cried. She is such a little prissy...but alas, she was ok after they gave her to my sister.
This evening is closing with me watching Mo'nique in "Phat Girlz" - a good flick, and eating a bit of "Chunky Monkey" ice cream.....because I can....
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Changes Every day....
First, I'd like to thank everyone for all the birthday wishes and lovely gifts! I didn't even realize that it was here with everything else going on and *poof* another year has rolled by! The upside is that next year - I'll be ready for it!! :)
Made it back to Tampa to meet w/the Chief of Reconstruction, Dr. Gould, today. I've been having what I thought was a minor issue (redness/swelling) with my left breast. It seemed to start when they took out the drain last week. Dr. Gould was very concerned and almost put me back in the hospital today. At my request, she allowed me to come home and has arranged for me to go back into surgery not later than Monday morning. Apparently, I have quite an infection - hopefully just the skin so they need to clean it all up and they want to close the incision a little better, I guess. So, they will re-work BOTH incisions (left and right). Right now I'm a little down about it (from the pain perspective), but I know that this too shall pass.....with good painkillers - and less morphine....The hope is to do the surgery and get me back home where I can rest.
Each day that goes by is one day closer to my being completely free of this....and that is what I will continue to focus on. Love to all - have a wonderful evening!!
Made it back to Tampa to meet w/the Chief of Reconstruction, Dr. Gould, today. I've been having what I thought was a minor issue (redness/swelling) with my left breast. It seemed to start when they took out the drain last week. Dr. Gould was very concerned and almost put me back in the hospital today. At my request, she allowed me to come home and has arranged for me to go back into surgery not later than Monday morning. Apparently, I have quite an infection - hopefully just the skin so they need to clean it all up and they want to close the incision a little better, I guess. So, they will re-work BOTH incisions (left and right). Right now I'm a little down about it (from the pain perspective), but I know that this too shall pass.....with good painkillers - and less morphine....The hope is to do the surgery and get me back home where I can rest.
Each day that goes by is one day closer to my being completely free of this....and that is what I will continue to focus on. Love to all - have a wonderful evening!!
Friday, August 7, 2009
Right decision
Well, the last couple of days, I have been getting these awful pains in my chest. I understand that it is normal and that its the nerves trying to "re-fire" up. Dang near makes me jump out of my skin at times. After little sleep the last few days, I finally rested last night and am quite grateful to allow my body to rest. I can't wait till I am over this "exhausted" feeling....whew it's enough to wear anyone down. I'm not as thrilled as everyone else seems to be at how my breasts are healing. I find it hard to look at, but I know its only temporary, so I continue to think positive thoughts.
I am so glad I prayed hard before making my final decision because I did get "some" good news yesterday. I definitely made the right decision to do the bilateral. During the final pathology of my breast material, more cancer was discovered in my right breast where it originated. It was so small that the mammo, MRI and ultrasound missed it and it would have gone unnoticed for some time. Had I just done the lumpectomy, it very well could have been a lethal decision. Leslie (my team leader) made it a point to call me and let me know about it - so one more little miracle to make note of.....
I find that in my quiet time when I can calm my spirit to listen, that is when I hear HIM the best and understand that HE is carrying me more than I ever thought possible. I don't think I could keep a lighter side to all this if not for my faith. I have never been one to push or pull anyone as I believe that we must find the Lord in our own due time.....but if you have never witnessed a miracle, you are in the process of it now. There is no doubt in my mind that I will survive by the grace of God.
I am so glad I prayed hard before making my final decision because I did get "some" good news yesterday. I definitely made the right decision to do the bilateral. During the final pathology of my breast material, more cancer was discovered in my right breast where it originated. It was so small that the mammo, MRI and ultrasound missed it and it would have gone unnoticed for some time. Had I just done the lumpectomy, it very well could have been a lethal decision. Leslie (my team leader) made it a point to call me and let me know about it - so one more little miracle to make note of.....
I find that in my quiet time when I can calm my spirit to listen, that is when I hear HIM the best and understand that HE is carrying me more than I ever thought possible. I don't think I could keep a lighter side to all this if not for my faith. I have never been one to push or pull anyone as I believe that we must find the Lord in our own due time.....but if you have never witnessed a miracle, you are in the process of it now. There is no doubt in my mind that I will survive by the grace of God.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Quicker Picker Upper
Well, yesterday was kind of a "quicker picker upper day" - yeah, just like the paper towels. That Nick fella is an amazing young man. The video drew me in and wiped away my tears (cuz my new(er) girls felt like they wanted to explode!). They still seem so swollen but I am sure they will want to put more "stuff" in tomorrow, hence, more sleepless nights. Hey, it's starting to look good on me though! Had my hair trimmed to the shoulders today. It seems that it will stand a better chance of survival if it is shorter. So be it then.
Tomorrow, I go back to Tampa to get these dang drains "ripped" out of my chest - one in each side. I've been quietly praying that just one woman would say, "Hey, don't worry it's not so bad", but generally it seems they get a little pale just talking about it and a cuss word follows....oh yyaayy for me, one more great life experience to make note of and write about. I'll just thank God if I don't clock the Doc!! Just kidding of course - but I will definitely have to have to something in both hands that is firmly in place to prevent reaction.
Hmmnn...sure am missing my co-workers as of late. You all are a great group. For the ladies in Admin: Angie - Chocolate is futile; have a nuts and berries for me, please. Donna - Sure, when I'm better. Mary - please relax, take Jax and Gabby for a walk!! :) And Dee - thank you for handling that, I appreciate it!
Wishing you all a great rest of the week! Don't forget to thank God for all the miracles you are witness to. I see them all around now....
Tomorrow, I go back to Tampa to get these dang drains "ripped" out of my chest - one in each side. I've been quietly praying that just one woman would say, "Hey, don't worry it's not so bad", but generally it seems they get a little pale just talking about it and a cuss word follows....oh yyaayy for me, one more great life experience to make note of and write about. I'll just thank God if I don't clock the Doc!! Just kidding of course - but I will definitely have to have to something in both hands that is firmly in place to prevent reaction.
Hmmnn...sure am missing my co-workers as of late. You all are a great group. For the ladies in Admin: Angie - Chocolate is futile; have a nuts and berries for me, please. Donna - Sure, when I'm better. Mary - please relax, take Jax and Gabby for a walk!! :) And Dee - thank you for handling that, I appreciate it!
Wishing you all a great rest of the week! Don't forget to thank God for all the miracles you are witness to. I see them all around now....
Monday, August 3, 2009
Renewing My Strength
As if one miracle is not enough, one more message bonked me in the head today. It came via Facebook and it deeply touched my very soul. I feel as though my predicament is minimal compared to what this young man has endured all of his life, but I know that God will only give me as much as I can handle. For me, I laid in my bed for the first time last night and was frustrated this morning because it took me 10-15 minutes to be able to sit up (my shoulders hurt immensely), it just doesn't compare.
I wish I could personally thank this young man - Nick - for helping renew my inner strength today. And I thank the good Lord for continuing to lead me.....
I urge everyone to watch this - and remember HIM when you are having a rough day. May we all be blessed with an attitude like this.
You can watch his short video on You Tube at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jeOguqNIAo
I wish I could personally thank this young man - Nick - for helping renew my inner strength today. And I thank the good Lord for continuing to lead me.....
I urge everyone to watch this - and remember HIM when you are having a rough day. May we all be blessed with an attitude like this.
You can watch his short video on You Tube at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jeOguqNIAo
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Minor Setback
Well, as things go, I had a minor setback yesterday. It is the one thing you don't want to happen during recovery. Aside from being incredibly exhausted, I started running a fever and thought the new girls would explode. Overnight, it jumped up to 101.5, which is usually an indication that there is an infection or something. I took a Tylenol around 3am as my head was killing me, and by 8am, my temp was back down to 99.7. Thank goodness.
I guess I've probably been doing a little more than I should, but life continues to go on - and so does dust and dogs! :) I am going to look at it as a gentle reminder to take it very easy.
My sister went back home to Virginia yesterday. I'm so glad she was here. She has been through this already and was a great source of information and comfort.
As for today, I will step back and take it easy so as not to upset this delicate healing period.
I guess I've probably been doing a little more than I should, but life continues to go on - and so does dust and dogs! :) I am going to look at it as a gentle reminder to take it very easy.
My sister went back home to Virginia yesterday. I'm so glad she was here. She has been through this already and was a great source of information and comfort.
As for today, I will step back and take it easy so as not to upset this delicate healing period.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Get up, Dress up, Show up
Well, after several nights of sleep virtually evading me, I went out and bought a recliner. I have been having a difficult time leaning back or laying down and it's near impossible to sleep standing up!! So, my sister Pam - who flew in from Virginia and surprised the daylights out of me - drove the Vette (that's a whole other story) and went with me to Lazy Boy and and I got a great deal on a rocker recliner with heat and massage. It will be my short term bed as of tomorrow. BUT, I'm sure it will serve its purpose for many more years to come.
After returning home, Leslie and Lisette (from work) came to visit and brought me this beautiful plant of Rosemary. Not only was it an awesome gesture (Rosemary is for healing) but attached to it is a great deal of little pink ribbons with the signatures of people I work with. This overwhelmed me - and if any of you are reading this, please know that you made my entire day (short of the massage on the recliner) :) Seriously though, thank you so much for taking time out of your day to stop in and do that. In addition to the plant, Lisette made a purple frame with a note posted in it from MPD. Wow. As I've said many times, I feel privileged to work with these good people - these wonderful men and women doing an amazing job.
I think Leslie and Lisette were a bit surprised to see me up and moving around. But as I promised myself, I will get up, dress up, and show up throughout this. I have to. I will laugh more than I will cry and I will survive. I will not allow this to define or confine me, with the exception of my current best friend - the compression top (looks like a tube top). But getting up, dressing up, and showing up requires a great deal of effort so although it's not even dark outside, I'm completely exhausted..... :)
Yesterday, the doc said that although the final results were not in, it appeared that they will stage me at a Stage 1 or 2 - and to me, that means "WOOOOHOOOO!!!!" Or, in other words, I have so much hope for a full and complete recovery. Each morning I thank God for his mercy, and my family and friends for staying near me during those darkest of hours.
As for today, I am truly a lucky and very blessed woman.
After returning home, Leslie and Lisette (from work) came to visit and brought me this beautiful plant of Rosemary. Not only was it an awesome gesture (Rosemary is for healing) but attached to it is a great deal of little pink ribbons with the signatures of people I work with. This overwhelmed me - and if any of you are reading this, please know that you made my entire day (short of the massage on the recliner) :) Seriously though, thank you so much for taking time out of your day to stop in and do that. In addition to the plant, Lisette made a purple frame with a note posted in it from MPD. Wow. As I've said many times, I feel privileged to work with these good people - these wonderful men and women doing an amazing job.
I think Leslie and Lisette were a bit surprised to see me up and moving around. But as I promised myself, I will get up, dress up, and show up throughout this. I have to. I will laugh more than I will cry and I will survive. I will not allow this to define or confine me, with the exception of my current best friend - the compression top (looks like a tube top). But getting up, dressing up, and showing up requires a great deal of effort so although it's not even dark outside, I'm completely exhausted..... :)
Yesterday, the doc said that although the final results were not in, it appeared that they will stage me at a Stage 1 or 2 - and to me, that means "WOOOOHOOOO!!!!" Or, in other words, I have so much hope for a full and complete recovery. Each morning I thank God for his mercy, and my family and friends for staying near me during those darkest of hours.
As for today, I am truly a lucky and very blessed woman.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Special Poem written for me
I received this poem from my one of my dearest friends on this planet. She wrote this in a mere two hours before my surgery. An amazing woman and a true friend, I can think of only one way to honor her and that is to share her creativity with all of you. But first a note from me, to her: Thank you, Ferell. You knew how frightened I was and have been steadfast by my side, I will never forget your kindness. In its entirety, here it is:
This poem was written for Arla, my precious friend, at the Tampa VA Hospital, on July 22 2009; the day of her double Mastectomy. I completed it only moments before one of her surgeons entered the waiting room with the happiest news: Arla's breast cancer had NOT advanced beyond her breasts. She is going to make a full and complete recovery, thus the message of the poem.
An Unexpected Journey
The time has come for a profound sleep, You'll rest your arms, head and feet. From the words that severed down to your soul; One was still good, but they both have to go.
Cancer is hideous, hushed even bleak, and the surgery extensive before it's complete.
Your first steps to victory starts today, An Unexpected Journey paves its way.
That which fed your children night and day, you held with poise, pride, and sultry sway. Now lay separated ashen and imagined grey. Hence, rest and tranquil still, don't give into ample fear, the Lover of your soul is always constant, ever near.
While the creator of your body is strong, not weak! He shows no signs of losses, sorrow or defeat! He has spoken; the cancer will end; your beauty remains. Sheer exquisiteness indeed you'll keep!
As your eyes open, when the mirror reveals, A void of purple scarring; your elegance the enemy tried to steal. Remember He who created your splendor precious thru, also made the physicians hands that will fashion you anew.
Though cancer tried to take your spirit, when you awaken it is far distant. You'll be whole, utter absolute, with no reason to fear it.
Written by,
Ferell A. Anderson
This poem was written for Arla, my precious friend, at the Tampa VA Hospital, on July 22 2009; the day of her double Mastectomy. I completed it only moments before one of her surgeons entered the waiting room with the happiest news: Arla's breast cancer had NOT advanced beyond her breasts. She is going to make a full and complete recovery, thus the message of the poem.
An Unexpected Journey
The time has come for a profound sleep, You'll rest your arms, head and feet. From the words that severed down to your soul; One was still good, but they both have to go.
Cancer is hideous, hushed even bleak, and the surgery extensive before it's complete.
Your first steps to victory starts today, An Unexpected Journey paves its way.
That which fed your children night and day, you held with poise, pride, and sultry sway. Now lay separated ashen and imagined grey. Hence, rest and tranquil still, don't give into ample fear, the Lover of your soul is always constant, ever near.
While the creator of your body is strong, not weak! He shows no signs of losses, sorrow or defeat! He has spoken; the cancer will end; your beauty remains. Sheer exquisiteness indeed you'll keep!
As your eyes open, when the mirror reveals, A void of purple scarring; your elegance the enemy tried to steal. Remember He who created your splendor precious thru, also made the physicians hands that will fashion you anew.
Though cancer tried to take your spirit, when you awaken it is far distant. You'll be whole, utter absolute, with no reason to fear it.
Written by,
Ferell A. Anderson
Monday, July 27, 2009
Your Comments
Kellie - please thank Philip. I can't imagine what the surprise is, but it must be mighty special, so I can't wait to see it! You have one awesome husband - enjoy every moment of life with him. I thought you might give me a hint!!! HA!
Hey corner man - I think you've put into words what I have been feeling: There is NO amount of money, power, or fame, that could possibly measure the blessings I have in my life. I didn't even realize it until I learned of the cancer. As much as I hate what I am going through, I'm grateful for this journey and am learning just how special people really are. The true kindness of others continues to soften my heart. OH and don't laugh - I'm taking YOU to the beach w/me!
The book I'm thinking of writing - it will be written to honor all of you who have stood by me during this challenge. Your support continues to give me the strength I need to get through each day, one day at a time. Sher and Ferell - you two are saints. I have not for one minute longed for anything without you saying "I'll be right back!" From the dogs, to the house, to the yard - you are absolute angels. I can never thank you enough.
I'm even hoping to be up to visitors by this weekend and even put the ever required mascara and lip gloss on this morning to make myself feel a little better.
As for my exercises, I got my fingers to crawl all the way up the wall yesterday. Funny how I was so proud of myself when I did it. Doc says its the best way to keep my shoulders from locking up. Believe it or not, my back is what is really hurting. Good grief, I feel like someone has beaten me with a baseball bat across my back. I'm sure its more to do with not being able to lie down properly, or stand straight up just yet, but I'm working on it!
Donna, please thank everyone for the card I received. I was stunned to find that big whale of a card in my mailbox. It made my day. I even took it to the hospital with me.
I'm trying to take pictures of everything now. Pictures of flowers, of cards, of people. I don't want to forget one moment of this, of you.
Hey corner man - I think you've put into words what I have been feeling: There is NO amount of money, power, or fame, that could possibly measure the blessings I have in my life. I didn't even realize it until I learned of the cancer. As much as I hate what I am going through, I'm grateful for this journey and am learning just how special people really are. The true kindness of others continues to soften my heart. OH and don't laugh - I'm taking YOU to the beach w/me!
The book I'm thinking of writing - it will be written to honor all of you who have stood by me during this challenge. Your support continues to give me the strength I need to get through each day, one day at a time. Sher and Ferell - you two are saints. I have not for one minute longed for anything without you saying "I'll be right back!" From the dogs, to the house, to the yard - you are absolute angels. I can never thank you enough.
I'm even hoping to be up to visitors by this weekend and even put the ever required mascara and lip gloss on this morning to make myself feel a little better.
As for my exercises, I got my fingers to crawl all the way up the wall yesterday. Funny how I was so proud of myself when I did it. Doc says its the best way to keep my shoulders from locking up. Believe it or not, my back is what is really hurting. Good grief, I feel like someone has beaten me with a baseball bat across my back. I'm sure its more to do with not being able to lie down properly, or stand straight up just yet, but I'm working on it!
Donna, please thank everyone for the card I received. I was stunned to find that big whale of a card in my mailbox. It made my day. I even took it to the hospital with me.
I'm trying to take pictures of everything now. Pictures of flowers, of cards, of people. I don't want to forget one moment of this, of you.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
I'm Back
Well, after quite an eventful few days, I am at home trying to recover. The surgery went well, as most of you are already aware. I can tell they dug for lymph nodes because my arm hurts terribly, but my prayers have been answered - no cancer in any of the four they checked. I am so completely overwhelmed because if I'm correct, my odds just went up by another 30%!! I'll take those odds any day.
Now, the work is really beginning. My chest hurts so bad at times that I cannot even cry. I can't lay back because (due to the expanders) my chest is swollen. And OF COURSE, I itch on my back where I can't reach - too funny. That is God showing me that I can do even the smallest of things. So, for me to itch it I use a wall and I look like Balloo (the bear on Jungle book) itching on a tree. Today I had a big first, I walked my fingers all the way up the wall - both hands. Sounds crazy, but this one little exercise is apparently very important in maintaining mobility of the limbs. Then, more drugs. Whew, don't know what I'd do without a few of the drugs to take off the edge, but I was violently ill from the morphine. Oh my, I felt so bad for my nurse, Casey - he was a fine nurse I might add - I did not know that a body in such bad shape from surgery could hurl that much out of nowhere! Thank goodness most of it hit the pink pan, but he cleaned me up well and was very good to me. Thank you Casey.
This week, I will be trying to find a way to get a few hours of sleep here and there. My back and chest hurt every moment and I walk holding what's left of the twins. I continue to try to find a way to relax and get comfy in the hopes that it will be sooner than later. Tomorrow I will have the bandages changed and I just hope I can tolerate it. Not just the looks, but also the loosening of the compression tube top too. Wish me luck....I'm trying to look at it like this - for my 45th birthday, I will have a new chest.
Well, its started thundering/lightning and after Friday night's boomers, I'm shutting down. My thanks to all for your continued support and calls and beautiful flowers. I've needed you more than I could have ever imagined, and you have really stepped up and held my hand. There are no words to convey how monumentally grateful I am for having all of you in my life.
Now, the work is really beginning. My chest hurts so bad at times that I cannot even cry. I can't lay back because (due to the expanders) my chest is swollen. And OF COURSE, I itch on my back where I can't reach - too funny. That is God showing me that I can do even the smallest of things. So, for me to itch it I use a wall and I look like Balloo (the bear on Jungle book) itching on a tree. Today I had a big first, I walked my fingers all the way up the wall - both hands. Sounds crazy, but this one little exercise is apparently very important in maintaining mobility of the limbs. Then, more drugs. Whew, don't know what I'd do without a few of the drugs to take off the edge, but I was violently ill from the morphine. Oh my, I felt so bad for my nurse, Casey - he was a fine nurse I might add - I did not know that a body in such bad shape from surgery could hurl that much out of nowhere! Thank goodness most of it hit the pink pan, but he cleaned me up well and was very good to me. Thank you Casey.
This week, I will be trying to find a way to get a few hours of sleep here and there. My back and chest hurt every moment and I walk holding what's left of the twins. I continue to try to find a way to relax and get comfy in the hopes that it will be sooner than later. Tomorrow I will have the bandages changed and I just hope I can tolerate it. Not just the looks, but also the loosening of the compression tube top too. Wish me luck....I'm trying to look at it like this - for my 45th birthday, I will have a new chest.
Well, its started thundering/lightning and after Friday night's boomers, I'm shutting down. My thanks to all for your continued support and calls and beautiful flowers. I've needed you more than I could have ever imagined, and you have really stepped up and held my hand. There are no words to convey how monumentally grateful I am for having all of you in my life.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Hey there! This is Sherry - Arla's sister reporting in on Saturday 25 July 2009.
Arla was feeling a little better so we brought her home late yesterday afternoon from the Tampa VA Hospital. We got to her house a little after 6 PM and she was whipped. She had a rough time with the trip because she could feel every dip and bump in the road, even if I couldn't. We got onto I-95 South and were at a 'stop and go' pace for about 4 miles; there was an accident with a rollover vehicle in the Northbound direction so we had the gawkers in our lane heading south. Once we finally got past that accident, we flew down I-95 south for the last 30 miles or so of our 148 mile trip. She had a rough night since she was in pain and just couldn't get comfortable.
This morning I picked up Reina and Chyla(Arla's dogs) and took them back home because Arla missed her babies. Brad is still there, until I take him to the airport tomorrow morning, so he is keeping a close eye on Arla and the 'girls'. They are so used to being able to jump up and sit with her on the couch, or in the chair and they don't know why they can't do that just yet. I wish I could explain that their mommy is not feeling well and they have to wait a while for her to heal.
Ferell and I just walked over a little bit ago and checked in on them. Brad and Arla are watching a movie I gave them, so they are relaxing right now. She says she is still very sore and will probably be taking another pain pill soon. She's trying not to take too many pills, but she still needs to be able to manage the pain at the same time.
Arla just called and asked if we wanted to go out to dinner since it was Brad's last night in town. We said yes, so we will pick them up and go to the Texas Roadhouse so they can all have a nice steak. Brad is helping her right now - clean up a little and washing her hair (you know how she is about her hair - SMILE), so she is definitely on the road to recovery!!
Arla was feeling a little better so we brought her home late yesterday afternoon from the Tampa VA Hospital. We got to her house a little after 6 PM and she was whipped. She had a rough time with the trip because she could feel every dip and bump in the road, even if I couldn't. We got onto I-95 South and were at a 'stop and go' pace for about 4 miles; there was an accident with a rollover vehicle in the Northbound direction so we had the gawkers in our lane heading south. Once we finally got past that accident, we flew down I-95 south for the last 30 miles or so of our 148 mile trip. She had a rough night since she was in pain and just couldn't get comfortable.
This morning I picked up Reina and Chyla(Arla's dogs) and took them back home because Arla missed her babies. Brad is still there, until I take him to the airport tomorrow morning, so he is keeping a close eye on Arla and the 'girls'. They are so used to being able to jump up and sit with her on the couch, or in the chair and they don't know why they can't do that just yet. I wish I could explain that their mommy is not feeling well and they have to wait a while for her to heal.
Ferell and I just walked over a little bit ago and checked in on them. Brad and Arla are watching a movie I gave them, so they are relaxing right now. She says she is still very sore and will probably be taking another pain pill soon. She's trying not to take too many pills, but she still needs to be able to manage the pain at the same time.
Arla just called and asked if we wanted to go out to dinner since it was Brad's last night in town. We said yes, so we will pick them up and go to the Texas Roadhouse so they can all have a nice steak. Brad is helping her right now - clean up a little and washing her hair (you know how she is about her hair - SMILE), so she is definitely on the road to recovery!!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Great News!
So we spoke with the doctors just before noon today. While they were completing the surgery, they found 2 more suspect lymph nodes but were able to successfully extract them as well. They advised that all 4 lymph nodes in question came back negative!!!
My mom's surgery took a little over 4 hours. The doctor was said they had very good luck with sking sparing also so they will be able to use a lot of the natural skin in the reconstruction phase.
The reconstruction phase began just after the surgery was completed due to the success of the surgery. The doctors advised that the reconstructive surgery would take anywhere from 1-2 hours and then my mom would need another 1-2 hours to recover before family could visit. If the healing process goes as scheduled, my mom should be able to leave the hospital and come home in around 48 hours. So we are hoping to bring her home on the 24th or 25th!
No update the chemo/radiation process at this time. I'm sure my mom will be able to tell you herself once she is feeling up to & has spoke w/ the doctors.
Thanks again to everyone for your thoughts & prayers!
~Brad
My mom's surgery took a little over 4 hours. The doctor was said they had very good luck with sking sparing also so they will be able to use a lot of the natural skin in the reconstruction phase.
The reconstruction phase began just after the surgery was completed due to the success of the surgery. The doctors advised that the reconstructive surgery would take anywhere from 1-2 hours and then my mom would need another 1-2 hours to recover before family could visit. If the healing process goes as scheduled, my mom should be able to leave the hospital and come home in around 48 hours. So we are hoping to bring her home on the 24th or 25th!
No update the chemo/radiation process at this time. I'm sure my mom will be able to tell you herself once she is feeling up to & has spoke w/ the doctors.
Thanks again to everyone for your thoughts & prayers!
~Brad
Here we go
Hey everyone.
The nurse just came & advised that they were about to make the first cut on my mom. Just wanted to let you all know that once the surgery is complete & they tell us any updates, i'll make sure to update the blog. Thank you all for your thoughts & prayers.
~Brad
The nurse just came & advised that they were about to make the first cut on my mom. Just wanted to let you all know that once the surgery is complete & they tell us any updates, i'll make sure to update the blog. Thank you all for your thoughts & prayers.
~Brad
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
It's Time
Well, it is time. My son and I are getting ready to leave for Tampa where they will inject dye into my breast. I will spend 2-3 hours afterward trying to rub it in and push it towards the lymph nodes area. Sounds a little weird considering medical advances today, but what will be will be. My modesty is about shot anyway.
Yesterday, I spent the day with my children and knowing they are here with me makes this walk a little easier. My heart raced a little bit as we spoke of what is to come and no matter how I dread it, I feel there is no other choice. I choose life and my children so this is my charge.
In the past month, I've spent a lot of time reflecting on how blessed my life has been. From the people I have loved, to the ones I have been friends with, and those that I work with - which I also consider to be my friends. I've been around the world and have received amazing recognition for my efforts. From Miss Teen New York to Soldier of the Year, to most recently Barry University's Dean Award winner. But the biggest most valuable treasures I've ever received are my children. They are my true joy.
Carrying you all with me in spirit the next few days. Until my return.....
Yesterday, I spent the day with my children and knowing they are here with me makes this walk a little easier. My heart raced a little bit as we spoke of what is to come and no matter how I dread it, I feel there is no other choice. I choose life and my children so this is my charge.
In the past month, I've spent a lot of time reflecting on how blessed my life has been. From the people I have loved, to the ones I have been friends with, and those that I work with - which I also consider to be my friends. I've been around the world and have received amazing recognition for my efforts. From Miss Teen New York to Soldier of the Year, to most recently Barry University's Dean Award winner. But the biggest most valuable treasures I've ever received are my children. They are my true joy.
Carrying you all with me in spirit the next few days. Until my return.....
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Weekend Before Surgery
Before I begin, I need to say one thing: To the jerks that stole my banking information AND my money!!! I'm looking for you. If I find you, I WILL prosecute you to the fullest extent of the law. There, I feel better.
Well, this is it. Finally. I will get this cancer taken out of my body. There is much more to follow for sure. Chemotherapy and another surgery or two to complete reconstruction. Oh how I fear surgeries....it means someone else is in charge....lol My son, Brad, flies in tomorrow, and that will be a big relief. I need both my boys near me before they put me out.
Someone told me to do a plaster of paris mold of my chest before having the surgery. Then I could bronze them for all time. Yeah, not so sure who might want THAT after I'm long gone...but I haven't tossed the idea out yet. I still have 1 more day.... :)
I'm guessing it will be several days before I personally return to my blog - I understand I won't be able to lift my arms, but I will be back, and hopefully with many good stories! In the meantime, I will ask my sister or my son to post a few things on my behalf. Specifically, after the surgery, updating the good results, and then when I get home and fall into my own bed for what I hope will be "comfortable" rest.
Please help me pray that the cancer did NOT reach into my lymph nodes. That is the best possible outcome.
Until my return - I monumentally thank each of you who has continued to help me deal with this life changing event. You have been a great source of comfort for me, friendship, and laughter. Yes, I say laughter because without it, I think I would've crawled into a corner to hide.
Until next week......
Well, this is it. Finally. I will get this cancer taken out of my body. There is much more to follow for sure. Chemotherapy and another surgery or two to complete reconstruction. Oh how I fear surgeries....it means someone else is in charge....lol My son, Brad, flies in tomorrow, and that will be a big relief. I need both my boys near me before they put me out.
Someone told me to do a plaster of paris mold of my chest before having the surgery. Then I could bronze them for all time. Yeah, not so sure who might want THAT after I'm long gone...but I haven't tossed the idea out yet. I still have 1 more day.... :)
I'm guessing it will be several days before I personally return to my blog - I understand I won't be able to lift my arms, but I will be back, and hopefully with many good stories! In the meantime, I will ask my sister or my son to post a few things on my behalf. Specifically, after the surgery, updating the good results, and then when I get home and fall into my own bed for what I hope will be "comfortable" rest.
Please help me pray that the cancer did NOT reach into my lymph nodes. That is the best possible outcome.
Until my return - I monumentally thank each of you who has continued to help me deal with this life changing event. You have been a great source of comfort for me, friendship, and laughter. Yes, I say laughter because without it, I think I would've crawled into a corner to hide.
Until next week......
Monday, July 13, 2009
FINALLY Some Good News....
Around 2:00pm today, my doc's office called to advise me of the results of last Tuesday's biopsies. They did remove two tumors, but they referred to them as something like adenoids or fibroid "stuff" - but what I actually heard was - "highly unlikely to turn into cancer, so we will not be testing the lymph nodes in your left arm". YAAAHHHOOOO!!!! (flip, dance)
As you can imagine, it was all I could do to contain my joy! THIS is good news indeed. I still do have breast cancer, but I sure am feeling better about it today than I did yesterday. This means that for right now only the one breast has it - that is until during surgery when they check the lymph nodes. BUT I have more hope than I did yesterday, and I am actually "feeling" like it will not be in the lymph nodes of the right breast....although I will continue my mantra of "please be negative, please be negative"....
If it isn't, my cup will runneth over.... I realize the seriousness of my situation and I do not take it lightly - these small steps are HUGE and I will relish each tiny one and thank God!!
Thank you, Jesus...one prayer at a time.
With tears in my eyes, I cannot humbly thank everyone enough that you continue to lift me up in prayer. I am a firm believer in Jesus Christ and I know that I am only borrowing this body. But I think he's listening to us.....thank you!!
As you can imagine, it was all I could do to contain my joy! THIS is good news indeed. I still do have breast cancer, but I sure am feeling better about it today than I did yesterday. This means that for right now only the one breast has it - that is until during surgery when they check the lymph nodes. BUT I have more hope than I did yesterday, and I am actually "feeling" like it will not be in the lymph nodes of the right breast....although I will continue my mantra of "please be negative, please be negative"....
If it isn't, my cup will runneth over.... I realize the seriousness of my situation and I do not take it lightly - these small steps are HUGE and I will relish each tiny one and thank God!!
Thank you, Jesus...one prayer at a time.
With tears in my eyes, I cannot humbly thank everyone enough that you continue to lift me up in prayer. I am a firm believer in Jesus Christ and I know that I am only borrowing this body. But I think he's listening to us.....thank you!!
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