I Cannot Believe He is Gone

I guess it should read I can't believe they are both now gone.  My ex-husband made it to our son's wedding on May 25th, and just 48 hours later, he passed away from multi-focal glioblastoma. Brain cancer. Damn cancer. IT SUCKS.

I have cried a few tears over this loss, mostly because he, his wife, and I had plans for how we would spoil grandbabies when they came.  Now, it's just me. I have to try to be the "one".  He fought so hard and was a champion throughout this disease, but he just lost all his strength at the end and could no longer fight.  I asked God for minimal request in regards to Russ: "Please don't let him suffer, please let him see Brad get married, and please take him quickly".  All of which God answered my prayers.  Thank you, Father.

One of the best days of his life was making it to the wedding. We knew it was going to be tough and he agreed to a wheelchair, thankfully. He enjoyed the wedding and the reception and although it was difficult getting him home (he was so weak), he was on top of the world.  He cried and held my hand there....my ride or die pal.  I cannot express the loss my heart feels. We may have been divorced, but we have been friends for years, even through disagreements.  He was the rock, not just for our children, but his entire family, and this has crushed their spirits.

I hope that I can be of some support to each of them as they learn to fly solo. Our family has had its share of loss this year.  First, Peggy, the Matriarch of the family, last February. Then Russ' wife Lori in September, then Tucker, the 16yo dog who lived with each of us at some point and loved us every one, and now Russ.  If God would allow me one more request, it would be to give my family a break. A much needed reprieve from loss.

But in the spirit of living, Russ would want his friends and family to celebrate his life. So we did. And I will do my best to honor him when handling issues with the kids - and one day, grandkids. They will know both of them through stories and laughter.

I would urge people to ensure you get your yearly checkups, and if some feels wrong - it probably is.  Don't let some doc blow you off.  Be diligent with your health.  We only get this small window to love and be with our family....so use the time wisely.