Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Nuclear Grade 3

I just got back from Tampa after going over there Sunday. They ran more tests, took more blood, sent me to every floor - you know - the hospital drill.... I did get to meet more of the pre-op folks, and as expected, had more people touching and measuring the girls than I ever thought possible. GEESH! So much for modesty. Today, I had the other biopsy and during the MRI guided portion of it, the blue "stuff" lit up another area of the breast, so they drilled back in again and grabbed what they could. I'm pretty sure they took a heck of alot, but you wouldn't know it for all the swelling and bandages. Hmmnn - if I had to describe what it felt like, I'd have to say it felt like a Mack truck rolled over it, backed up, and did it again. For the next 48 hours, I have to take it very easy, no lifting, no showers, no removing the bandages...damn I swear it was a truck......lol It was the most god-awful uncomfortable thing I've endured in ages. Because of the location of the areas of concern (near my chest wall), they had to push, pull, and squish the daylights out of my breast. I swear I saw stars. Once the stars ended, the tears started. I couldn't help it. Most of it was the pain, but part of me was just in shock.....I think it was the stuff they put in my arm because not only were there tears, but uncontrollable shakes, hives, and I was ice cold. It was very strange. I honestly don't think there's anything wrong w/the left side, nor do the experts, but it's outta there too - not taking any further chances and it will help my current 70-30 chances - in my favor. Right now it is called a Nuclear Grade 3 IDC. All that means is what I've said in the past - its very aggressive.

The biggest hurdle I now face is that during surgery, they will determine whether or not the cancer has gone into my lymph nodes. If it hasn't, my chances for a full recovery are excellent. If it has, we might get lucky to push it into remission, but it will come back, and it will be lethal. That was the exact words of my oncologist today. Soooo, as you can tell, things are ever changing on this homefront. At least a hundred times a day, I ask God for mercy, to not let my lymph nodes be touched....please be negative, please be negative.

I've thought a great deal about this and I realized that my fear is not against the cancer, it is leaving my boys while they are still "growing" - they are only 20 and 23 - and that is still too young to lose your mother. I know that for a fact, because I too lost my own mother to the beast at that age. And I don't want to miss out on the great things in their life that my mom missed out on. Sooooo - I intend to beat the hell out of this as best as I can....time to put the boxing gloves on.

Where there is darkness, there is light, right? Right. Kyle and Rosie took me to the oncologist this afternoon, and on the way, in the middle of a 6 lane highway, cars are swerving and people were running around in the road. Of course we stopped, and lo and behold, a precious little kitten - not more than 4 or 5 weeks old, was trying her best to get away from traffic and people. Well, my son, my hero, caught the little one. and I believe we have a new addition to the family. Kyle called her a weiner for laying flat on the ground, but I think they should call her Lucky or Slick... really doesn't matter - she survived her big challenge early on.... look at her picture - I'll be posting it here.

7 comments:

  1. Hey babe! Sorry I wasn't there to help you get through this today. I will continue to pray for you and keep you in GOD's will. He doesn't give us more than we can take is what I've always heard. This is just a test and you will beat it because you are a fighter and a believer! I miss being there with you at this rough time and will be glad when I get back from Afghanistan. I Love Ya!
    Sherry

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  2. Sorry you had such an uncomfortable procedure - I have learned to be leery of anyone who says 'it will only pinch a tiny bit' or something similar. A friend told me that she wished at her diagnosis, she started charging 25 cents for anyone who wanted to examine her - that way she could have paid for all her medical bills! Modesty doesn't coincide with breast cancer unfortunately.

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  3. Arla, hang in there girlfriend. Soon you will have the surgery and this beast will be removed from within you forever... THen you can get on to a full recovery and enjoy ever moment with your wonderful boys...Use the fear and unknown to drive you to the finish line...turn it around on itself. I will say a prayer for your full and speedy recovery.

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  4. Hey,

    You are one amazing,strong woman. It sounds like they wanted to prepare you a little for the big day that is yet to come. (brought tears to my eyes for you) You know if you need anything,just give me a yell!

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  5. Oh, by way the kitty is cute!!!

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  6. Oh, my heart so goes out to you Arla. But I so love the way you are dealing with things and still adding your natural sense of humor. You know they say (aside from prayer) that laughter is the best medicine. I so wish I could be there. I think you should name the kitten "miracle"...it's a miracle she survived, and she will always remind you of the small miracles that you will experience each and every day. Remember "There are two ways to live your life - one is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle.". I LOVE YOU

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  7. Debbie Loveday-KarnerJuly 11, 2009 at 8:01 AM

    The worst part for me was when they put that dang wire in me to guide the surgeon to the lump to remove it. I cried too! The best part is being able to talk to others that have been through this...that is what gets me through this. As always, I am thinking of you and you are in my prayers.

    P.S. Adorable kitten!

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