I just got back from Tampa after going over there Sunday. They ran more tests, took more blood, sent me to every floor - you know - the hospital drill.... I did get to meet more of the pre-op folks, and as expected, had more people touching and measuring the girls than I ever thought possible. GEESH! So much for modesty. Today, I had the other biopsy and during the MRI guided portion of it, the blue "stuff" lit up another area of the breast, so they drilled back in again and grabbed what they could. I'm pretty sure they took a heck of alot, but you wouldn't know it for all the swelling and bandages. Hmmnn - if I had to describe what it felt like, I'd have to say it felt like a Mack truck rolled over it, backed up, and did it again. For the next 48 hours, I have to take it very easy, no lifting, no showers, no removing the bandages...damn I swear it was a truck......lol It was the most god-awful uncomfortable thing I've endured in ages. Because of the location of the areas of concern (near my chest wall), they had to push, pull, and squish the daylights out of my breast. I swear I saw stars. Once the stars ended, the tears started. I couldn't help it. Most of it was the pain, but part of me was just in shock.....I think it was the stuff they put in my arm because not only were there tears, but uncontrollable shakes, hives, and I was ice cold. It was very strange. I honestly don't think there's anything wrong w/the left side, nor do the experts, but it's outta there too - not taking any further chances and it will help my current 70-30 chances - in my favor. Right now it is called a Nuclear Grade 3 IDC. All that means is what I've said in the past - its very aggressive.
The biggest hurdle I now face is that during surgery, they will determine whether or not the cancer has gone into my lymph nodes. If it hasn't, my chances for a full recovery are excellent. If it has, we might get lucky to push it into remission, but it will come back, and it will be lethal. That was the exact words of my oncologist today. Soooo, as you can tell, things are ever changing on this homefront. At least a hundred times a day, I ask God for mercy, to not let my lymph nodes be touched....please be negative, please be negative.
I've thought a great deal about this and I realized that my fear is not against the cancer, it is leaving my boys while they are still "growing" - they are only 20 and 23 - and that is still too young to lose your mother. I know that for a fact, because I too lost my own mother to the beast at that age. And I don't want to miss out on the great things in their life that my mom missed out on. Sooooo - I intend to beat the hell out of this as best as I can....time to put the boxing gloves on.
Where there is darkness, there is light, right? Right. Kyle and Rosie took me to the oncologist this afternoon, and on the way, in the middle of a 6 lane highway, cars are swerving and people were running around in the road. Of course we stopped, and lo and behold, a precious little kitten - not more than 4 or 5 weeks old, was trying her best to get away from traffic and people. Well, my son, my hero, caught the little one. and I believe we have a new addition to the family. Kyle called her a weiner for laying flat on the ground, but I think they should call her Lucky or Slick... really doesn't matter - she survived her big challenge early on.... look at her picture - I'll be posting it here.