This past weekend, I found myself doing odd things at times. Listening to loud music, louder than normal for me; eating more than normal, exercising a little less, and being a little more emotional than I might ordinarily be. And my heart aches a little more than usual.
I know exactly why I feel this way and I can say it in one word. Toni. She has been my “TNBC hero”, if you will, for some time. She has been a medical miracle in so many ways for the last few years, until the past few weeks. And now she is in hospice, dying. She is four years older than me with a husband and son and they are going to bury her sooner than later.
This disease is vicious and very real….it always has been. Not just for you and me, but for the many before us who so unfairly never got to meet their grandchildren, or watch their sons and daughters walk down the aisle. I know that research is doing what it can, but it needs to hurry up! Too many have died already. If they can track one bovine with mad cow disease and send rockets into space – why on earth can’t they find a root cause of this DNA problem and fix us.If any researcher reads this, please hurry.....
My friend and co-worker said something this morning that resonated with me. She said, “I don’t know how you do it. I think I would rather just be driving down the road and have a heart attack and be gone than live with knowing this can or will come back for you”. Yeah, but it is what it is. Triple negatives know statistics are against them, but I’m intending to be on the upside of them.
And with that thought and for our Toni, I say, we must shake those moments and just really live each day. Enjoy a walk on the beach, a funny movie, a phone conversation with an old friend, or your pup and kitten playing. Really take it in and love that moment for it will not pass again. And when the good Lord does come for me, I know I will have lived and loved to the best of my ability.
Hugs to all~