This time last year, I honestly wasn't certain whether or not I would survive to see this Christmas. I am ecstatic! While my health has not quite yet caught up with my head, this year is so much better than last. I am 7 surgeries in and holding up..well, I have a cold, but in my case, that just doesn't count! ;)
And EVERY Christmas we have so much to be thankful for, so first things first. Thank you Lord...for being. Christmas is because of Who we celebrate- Jesus Christ, the Son of God and the second Person of the Blessed Trinity. He came into this world through Mary, the immaculate virgin of Nazareth. .....and for always being there for me, in light, in darkness, in strength and in weakness. Even when I turned away. You were there. You are there. I hear you - more than ever before. I see all the little miracles now. And I am certain that I have missed many in years gone by, but I silently wait and hope you will continue to show me more. And you do. I am humbled by your grace. You are my every coincidence. Amen.
To my breast cancer sisters, I pray for you each night. You are never far from my heart. From my mouth to God's ears, I pray for your speedy recovery. Timi, Janet, Suzi, Norma, Adrienne, Cindy, Debbie...there are so many of you that I could name another 50 names.......For each one of you, my wish is peace and hope.
My new definition of HOPE is this: Humility, Obedience, Pampering, and Empathy. We should be humble; courteous and respectful of others. Obedience is that we should care for our bodies as God intends and treat it as a temple. We should find the time to pamper our own tired bodies, and others for they fight some kind of battle, too. And finally, empathize with others to understand who they are and why they feel as they do. These things will help make all of us better people.
My last message this beautiful Christmas evening is in regard to another type of blog. On Facebook, we have a "Random acts of kindness" blog. I love it. There are several people committed to doing at least one kind thing for someone else each day. I am so very moved by this group. I hope it becomes HUGE and I would love to see everyone I know take one day and pay it forward or perform an act of kindness. There is so much unjust and there are a lot of people who could benefit from your smile, your hand, an opened door, a bag of groceries.....heck, buy a stranger a lottery ticket...who knows, YOU could change their life. That may be a stretch, but you get the idea.
So, today, while this may not be so random, here is my story. I have been under the weather, but I got up and did it anyway....I have a brother who has spent more of his life behind bars than not, he has hurt many of our family members by lying or stealing. I could go further, but its not necessary. I took cough medicine, ibuprofen, put on my best smile and went to see him on this Christ-mas day. After having to wait for more than an hour to get in, I finally got to see him and was glad I went. It did us both a world of good. We sat and talked and laughed with some other folks nearly the entire time. And I fed him - lots of junk food. His favorite is a honey bun with peanut butter with m&ms mashed up on top. His smile was so genuine and he couldn't believe that I came to see him on Christmas. I knew that it had been important to him. He is my brother, and I miss him. And I smiled to myself as I thought, "I know, I know...WWJD? He would visit." Message received. Like I said, I'm glad I went. While you cannot change stupid behavior, you can promote harmony and give of yourself to help another.
While this may not fall into the category of a random act of kindness and I don't really think it should, I tell the story because it is the immediate effect my visit had on my brother that is the moral of the story. When you do something, big or small, for another person out of love or compassion you bring something special to their day......and in that one special moment all is exactly as it should be.
My children have been blessed with an abundance of gifts and I have had the ability to "adopt a child" for Christmas. I bought her many things, and trust me, it did more for my soul than it will have done for her this day...but oh how I would have loved to have been there when she opened her Princess Barbie......that was number one on her list!
Merry Christmas everyone. I hope that in your day you have kept Christ in your 'mas and listened to him as you've gone about your busy schedules. Take the time to quiet your soul and hear him for he IS talking to you.
And, now, how does all of this relate to my cancer and Christmas. I am here, and I get feel, live, smell, laugh and take it all in. Every single breath of it. And my promise is to continue to keep Christ front and center, do good for others, random or not, and always, always, keep HOPE in my life.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
One Set at at Time
Ladies - and men! I just want to share a recent FB email with you. It is the reason I started this blog, and continue to do this blog. It is also my Christmas wish for every woman who reads this that they will mark their calendars to schedule their annual mammograms and perform their monthly breast self exam. It could save your life.
In its entirety, my friend and old co-worker sent me this about one week ago:
"Just wanted to let you know that I had my mammogram done and the girls are healthy as can be. Viera diagnostics, who does the mammograms, gives roses to each of the women who come in for the test. The technician who did the test was so nice too!
I felt important and respected because I went in for my test. Sounds so silly when I see it in writing however, I really wanted to share this with you because of all you have been through and you inspired me to make the appointment.
Thought this would bring a smile to your face. Merry Christmas Arla, for you are a shining star".
And that note, my friends, made me feel like a shining star this week. To know that she is healthy - and took the time to do this important test.
Merry Christmas to all of you. May you be blessed beyond your wildest dreams with peace, good health and happiness.
In its entirety, my friend and old co-worker sent me this about one week ago:
"Just wanted to let you know that I had my mammogram done and the girls are healthy as can be. Viera diagnostics, who does the mammograms, gives roses to each of the women who come in for the test. The technician who did the test was so nice too!
I felt important and respected because I went in for my test. Sounds so silly when I see it in writing however, I really wanted to share this with you because of all you have been through and you inspired me to make the appointment.
Thought this would bring a smile to your face. Merry Christmas Arla, for you are a shining star".
And that note, my friends, made me feel like a shining star this week. To know that she is healthy - and took the time to do this important test.
Merry Christmas to all of you. May you be blessed beyond your wildest dreams with peace, good health and happiness.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Lucky 7
This morning I had my "Lucky 7" - seventh surgery that is. They finally worked on reconstructing my nipples. I was wide awake for the entire thing - now THAT was different. A little freaky for someone like me. I don't like blood and guts - especially my own. BUT, as usual, they did a fine job.....thought I might just wrap myself up, slap a bow on me for a Merry Christmas!! LOL!
It certainly will be merry. After all, how could it not be? I am here and I have the ability to help myself and hopefully help, or at least lift the spirits of others, too.
This Christmas, I bought for a young girl, 3 years old and it brought me such great joy. I remember being that little girl some years ago. Dirt poor and nothing for Christmas but a dinner - which was fine for me because we didn't know anything else.
As you get tossed about in the Christmas rush, I hope you remember the true meaning of why we celebrate. So much has gotten lost in gift giving instead of being thankful and honoring our good Lord who gives us so much and who was born and died for us.
Wishing you safe travels and a peaceful holiday season.
It certainly will be merry. After all, how could it not be? I am here and I have the ability to help myself and hopefully help, or at least lift the spirits of others, too.
This Christmas, I bought for a young girl, 3 years old and it brought me such great joy. I remember being that little girl some years ago. Dirt poor and nothing for Christmas but a dinner - which was fine for me because we didn't know anything else.
As you get tossed about in the Christmas rush, I hope you remember the true meaning of why we celebrate. So much has gotten lost in gift giving instead of being thankful and honoring our good Lord who gives us so much and who was born and died for us.
Wishing you safe travels and a peaceful holiday season.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Saying Goodbye with Grace
In her words: "There are times when we aren't able to muster as much strength and patience as we would like. But I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I
do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful." Me too, for every single day. May God bless you and your children and may you rest in peace Elizabeth.
I knew when I read her post here on FB early this morning that the time was near. She spoke of her children and these words. In my eyes, she put a face of grace and timeless beauty on breast cancer. She endured great hardship and now she has gone home to our Father. I had only prayed that it would be after the holidays for the sake of the children. I am saddened by her loss and my heart aches for them this evening.
This evening, my thoughts and prayers go out to everyone who has faced this battle. It is a tough disease and we do the best we can. Thousands die and thousands live. Rich or poor, black or white, male or female, it does not discriminate, it just does what it is designed to do: destroy.
This is your gentle reminder to do your monthly self-exams to look for unusual lumps or bumps (or something that just isn't right for you) or to get your mammogram if it has been more than 12 months and you are over 40 OR have a family history of breast cancer.
Together, we can make a difference in this battle. Here's to hoping we find a cure and find the cause.
Love to all.
do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful." Me too, for every single day. May God bless you and your children and may you rest in peace Elizabeth.
I knew when I read her post here on FB early this morning that the time was near. She spoke of her children and these words. In my eyes, she put a face of grace and timeless beauty on breast cancer. She endured great hardship and now she has gone home to our Father. I had only prayed that it would be after the holidays for the sake of the children. I am saddened by her loss and my heart aches for them this evening.
This evening, my thoughts and prayers go out to everyone who has faced this battle. It is a tough disease and we do the best we can. Thousands die and thousands live. Rich or poor, black or white, male or female, it does not discriminate, it just does what it is designed to do: destroy.
This is your gentle reminder to do your monthly self-exams to look for unusual lumps or bumps (or something that just isn't right for you) or to get your mammogram if it has been more than 12 months and you are over 40 OR have a family history of breast cancer.
Together, we can make a difference in this battle. Here's to hoping we find a cure and find the cause.
Love to all.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Erma's Words
Today I would like to send out a gentle reminder to just love and live your life. Every single day. You can never get a moment back once it is gone and for that reason, I give you Erma Bombeck, who defines it best with "If I Had My Life To Live Over Again." For all of you out there, I have three words....faith, hope and love.
IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage. I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth. I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed. I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later... Now go get washed up for dinner.' There would have been more 'I love you's' More 'I'm sorry's.'
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute, look at it and really see it . Live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!
Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what
Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us...
IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage. I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth. I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed. I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later... Now go get washed up for dinner.' There would have been more 'I love you's' More 'I'm sorry's.'
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute, look at it and really see it . Live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!
Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what
Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us...
Monday, November 22, 2010
A Friend Gets GREAT News
My friend, Adrienne, who was diagnosed as Stage 4, right at Christmas time 2009, has just learned that all of her tests came back clear! That's right - no cancer is seen anywhere in her body. I have to tell you how overwhelming that is for me. Not only do I consider her my friend, but I look at her as a fine young woman and mother who is destined to leave her touch on this world.
I have said for some time now that breast cancer is not a death sentence. I say it again, and Adrienne is living proof. If you are reading my blog for the first time, read this and remember it. It is manageable, but you must change your lifestyle and incorporate a lot of things you might not otherwise like.
This is great news for Thanksgiving. Thank you, Jesus for giving us hope, and faith, and family and friends.
May you all have a blessed Thanksgiving with yours. Hugs~
I have said for some time now that breast cancer is not a death sentence. I say it again, and Adrienne is living proof. If you are reading my blog for the first time, read this and remember it. It is manageable, but you must change your lifestyle and incorporate a lot of things you might not otherwise like.
This is great news for Thanksgiving. Thank you, Jesus for giving us hope, and faith, and family and friends.
May you all have a blessed Thanksgiving with yours. Hugs~
Sunday, November 21, 2010
It's Been Awhile
It's been a bit since I've made a post, but I've been busy with work and school and getting ready for Christmas. I've almost finished up everything. Going out on Black Friday will be just for the beauty of enjoy the adrenalin rush......and the chaos of watching people as they run around like ants.
I have four, not two classes to finish my degree. I so thought I was going on my last set...oh well...I WILL knock these out and graduate in May. I have to, I want my boys to watch me walk across that stage taking my dual master's degree...AND having done it all the while I've been ill. I want them to know they can do anything they put their hearts and minds into doing.
Received other recognition I was not aware of. The National Health Review posted our stories (six women from the Making Strides Makeover) in their magazine. Janet sent me the link which gives a brief paragraph on each of us, then the link to read each of our stories. The only thing they goofed on was our names - they totally messed those up. What I like about the publicity is that I hope it finds its way into the hands of another woman who may be going through this, and that maybe, just maybe, she won't feel so alone in her journey. If you are interesting in seeing it, please go to:
http://www.nationalhealthreview.net/
for the magazine and click on
http://www.nationalhealthreview.net/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=229:acs-extreme-makeover-winners-essays&catid=82
if you'd like to read our stories.
Leslie, my favorite ARNP in Tampa will be coming forth with a link on Facebook called F4...It will be designed to allow women - and men - to do risk assessments on themselves for breast cancer. You input your information and it provides you with the information straight up that you need to know and what you can do to help yourself. The best part - all can be done right from the privacy of your own home - FREE. She is hoping that its up and running (pending the patent now) in the next month or two. Remember this post in a couple of months then check it out and send it on when its up and running. I promise you, you will be helping someone else.
Well, time for housecleaning and school work (ugghh)! Have a great week everyone!
I have four, not two classes to finish my degree. I so thought I was going on my last set...oh well...I WILL knock these out and graduate in May. I have to, I want my boys to watch me walk across that stage taking my dual master's degree...AND having done it all the while I've been ill. I want them to know they can do anything they put their hearts and minds into doing.
Received other recognition I was not aware of. The National Health Review posted our stories (six women from the Making Strides Makeover) in their magazine. Janet sent me the link which gives a brief paragraph on each of us, then the link to read each of our stories. The only thing they goofed on was our names - they totally messed those up. What I like about the publicity is that I hope it finds its way into the hands of another woman who may be going through this, and that maybe, just maybe, she won't feel so alone in her journey. If you are interesting in seeing it, please go to:
http://www.nationalhealthreview.net/
for the magazine and click on
http://www.nationalhealthreview.net/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=229:acs-extreme-makeover-winners-essays&catid=82
if you'd like to read our stories.
Leslie, my favorite ARNP in Tampa will be coming forth with a link on Facebook called F4...It will be designed to allow women - and men - to do risk assessments on themselves for breast cancer. You input your information and it provides you with the information straight up that you need to know and what you can do to help yourself. The best part - all can be done right from the privacy of your own home - FREE. She is hoping that its up and running (pending the patent now) in the next month or two. Remember this post in a couple of months then check it out and send it on when its up and running. I promise you, you will be helping someone else.
Well, time for housecleaning and school work (ugghh)! Have a great week everyone!
Monday, November 1, 2010
Redefining Normal
Normal used to be jogging, having a cocktail with friends, mowing the lawn, moving furniture, goofing off with my boys, yada, yada....all the normal kind of things a woman might do on a regular or irregular basis. When you get breast cancer, everything becomes abnormal and your world changes, but YOU have the power within yourself to define your new normal.
Redefine your normal to be something special. Make each new day better than the old normal. You can't lift that big bag? So what....can't mow the lawn? Big deal - there are some fine looking yard men out there. Can't move furniture? Work around it. Normal can be what we want it to be.
As I just told a friend whose mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, this stuff sucks, but it doesn't necessarily mean it is a death sentence.
It has taken me a whole year to truly grasp that. In a nutshell, I had a part of my body reject me and try to kill me. That is very scary. Who is to say is won't happen again? No one. So guess what, my way of redefining normal is (that because I or "they" can't guarantee that it will not happen again) that I promise myself each day to try to be more patient with others, love more, laugh more, and really listen to what is being said.
I only get one chance at redefining this new normal and so I want it to be a good one. If you are redefining your normal, I hope you choose the happier thoughts and the things that will make your days great and special. For me, it's the only way to go.
Wishing you a blessed week and more birthdays ~
hugs.
Redefine your normal to be something special. Make each new day better than the old normal. You can't lift that big bag? So what....can't mow the lawn? Big deal - there are some fine looking yard men out there. Can't move furniture? Work around it. Normal can be what we want it to be.
As I just told a friend whose mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, this stuff sucks, but it doesn't necessarily mean it is a death sentence.
It has taken me a whole year to truly grasp that. In a nutshell, I had a part of my body reject me and try to kill me. That is very scary. Who is to say is won't happen again? No one. So guess what, my way of redefining normal is (that because I or "they" can't guarantee that it will not happen again) that I promise myself each day to try to be more patient with others, love more, laugh more, and really listen to what is being said.
I only get one chance at redefining this new normal and so I want it to be a good one. If you are redefining your normal, I hope you choose the happier thoughts and the things that will make your days great and special. For me, it's the only way to go.
Wishing you a blessed week and more birthdays ~
hugs.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Slightly Annoyed
So, today, I am slightly annoyed. I finally got in to see a local doc to check the "cough" that's been hanging around for months and also my back where the pain has kicked up a few notches - from an accident. This was my morning:
Supposed to see nurse at 0730 and doc at 0800. Saw nurse at 0810 and doc at 0830. Nice - thank you. Doc checks my ears, nose and throat. She tells me it is not good for a woman "my age" to be jogging "statistics say so" and "we end up with all kinds of problems". WTH?? Lady, in case you didn't notice, I'm way ahead of you. Besides, I've been a runner since I was 10 - a little late to tell me that now.
Anyway, she sends me to lab, xray, and pharmacy (in that order and from only two minutes of looking at me). When I asked why the pharmacy, she said to pick up a prescription. I thought it was something I had forgotten to pick up. No problem.
Lab, give blood - check. Xrays, chest and back - check check. Pharmacy, prescription - stop. It's for what? Allergies? Who said I had allergies - WHO EVER did an allergy test on me to prescribe me allergy stuff? NO ONE. Yet in less than two minutes this doctor thought she had me all figured out. Well. slap me on the ass and call me unhappy because I about came unglued right there, but I realized it was not the pharmacists fault.
The prescription is Flunisolide-Nasal. It is for stuffy/runny nose, itchy eyes, nose/throat and sneezing - NONE of which I have. Now the side effects are temporary nose/throat dryness or irritation or COUGH, headache, nosebleeds, sneezing and unpleasant taste/smell may occur. Seriously, I HAVE the cough and it is going to GIVE me a cough? This sounds more like it gives you allergies not that it helps allergies.....She assessed me in less than two minutes and NEVER looked at what she was doing, she just picked up her pen and started writing. I swear to God as I live and breathe.....how do you do that with a cancer patient????
I ended up in the Patient Advocate's office where I should have went LAST TIME after she ordered an ultrasound on the wrong breast. I guess instead of giving a second chance, I should have taken note and run....to the next doctor. Well, now I am. Needless to say, she called back, and apparently my lungs are "normal" and I have "arthritis" in my back....guess the bulging discs that have been there for 10 years have disappeared too. Not sure if I should trust anything.
So, yep I am slightly annoyed. I have always received great care at this facility and now I am questioning it. I want my old doctor back....he knows who he is, I saw him today...please come back.... lol
To close this, I tell you this - as a cancer patient, you MUST be proactive in your own care, this is YOUR life. People make mistakes all the time, help them not make one with you. If they do, take corrective action. We only get one chance at this great life.
Supposed to see nurse at 0730 and doc at 0800. Saw nurse at 0810 and doc at 0830. Nice - thank you. Doc checks my ears, nose and throat. She tells me it is not good for a woman "my age" to be jogging "statistics say so" and "we end up with all kinds of problems". WTH?? Lady, in case you didn't notice, I'm way ahead of you. Besides, I've been a runner since I was 10 - a little late to tell me that now.
Anyway, she sends me to lab, xray, and pharmacy (in that order and from only two minutes of looking at me). When I asked why the pharmacy, she said to pick up a prescription. I thought it was something I had forgotten to pick up. No problem.
Lab, give blood - check. Xrays, chest and back - check check. Pharmacy, prescription - stop. It's for what? Allergies? Who said I had allergies - WHO EVER did an allergy test on me to prescribe me allergy stuff? NO ONE. Yet in less than two minutes this doctor thought she had me all figured out. Well. slap me on the ass and call me unhappy because I about came unglued right there, but I realized it was not the pharmacists fault.
The prescription is Flunisolide-Nasal. It is for stuffy/runny nose, itchy eyes, nose/throat and sneezing - NONE of which I have. Now the side effects are temporary nose/throat dryness or irritation or COUGH, headache, nosebleeds, sneezing and unpleasant taste/smell may occur. Seriously, I HAVE the cough and it is going to GIVE me a cough? This sounds more like it gives you allergies not that it helps allergies.....She assessed me in less than two minutes and NEVER looked at what she was doing, she just picked up her pen and started writing. I swear to God as I live and breathe.....how do you do that with a cancer patient????
I ended up in the Patient Advocate's office where I should have went LAST TIME after she ordered an ultrasound on the wrong breast. I guess instead of giving a second chance, I should have taken note and run....to the next doctor. Well, now I am. Needless to say, she called back, and apparently my lungs are "normal" and I have "arthritis" in my back....guess the bulging discs that have been there for 10 years have disappeared too. Not sure if I should trust anything.
So, yep I am slightly annoyed. I have always received great care at this facility and now I am questioning it. I want my old doctor back....he knows who he is, I saw him today...please come back.... lol
To close this, I tell you this - as a cancer patient, you MUST be proactive in your own care, this is YOUR life. People make mistakes all the time, help them not make one with you. If they do, take corrective action. We only get one chance at this great life.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
10-23-10 We ALL Made Strides
The "Making Strides Against Breast Cancer" event was held in Viera and over 6,000 people showed up - just for this one event. It was awe-inspiring. I saw laughter, tears, hugs, new friends, old friends, and even a lot of co-workers - more than I would have expected.
So did I actually jog the whole event? YES I DID. In 35 minutes actually and I set a personal best record since getting this disease. It was hard, and I carried the medallion and the pink rose they gave me. Each time a piece of the rose fell, I made a wish for someone I knew with breast cancer. The sun was hard on me but I refused to let it get to me this year. I sought shade where possible - although very limited, it did help and the water and gatorade on the road was excellent this year. There were cheerleaders and all kinds of people on the route cheering me on as I ran and it touched my heart - and apparently my legs because I ran faster than normal. Actually, I have to thank the young 20+ yo man who passed me four or five times. After the last time, I thought to myself, "No ya don't, you're not passing me again...." so I kicked it up a notch. Finally, one of our LT's in the PD came and ran in the final 1/8 mile with me - very cool and appreciated. Thank you Marc.
Unknown to me, I would beat some other fine folks that I would never have thought possible. Surely they sat down somewhere, had a Coke, used the rest room, etc.....lol. My sister, Sherry, even ran more than of this event. This after having a knee replaced. She rocks. The excitement at this event always far exceeds my expectations and MSABC has become my favorite day of the year. It fuels my faith and hope that I can and will continue to beat this disease. Each day I count down is one more day to living as a free woman. As of today, I am one year, three months and two days breast cancer free. Thank you, Jesus.
I did win an awesome "Fun in the Sun" package that contained a pink lounge chair (awesome!), a lime cooler on wheels (very awesome) and a brilliantly colored bag by Anne Ormsby filled with all kinds of goodies and one over sized lime beach towel. Thank you so much to the people who pulled it together. I love it.
I saw all the ladies that work at ACS who make this event happen. They are to be commended for their hard work. Erica, Anne, Denise, Lana (school) - and so many others behind the scenes. Also, to Pam M., Marketing Director at the Avenues - awesome as usual. I had the privilege of meeting all these women when I was selected for the makeover in August. I met some other wonderful people also. When I was buying tickets to "win" something, I realized that the donations/prizes were going to help an elderly woman with breast cancer. Yep, give me $20 in tickets. Didn't matter if I won or not, I wanted to help her win - the battle. The group of them had such a beautiful accent - I think it was English, but I'm not sure and they were just good decent people. I'm glad I crossed paths with them.
Our group went to Mimi's for breakfast, but I wasn't hungry. I was overheated from the sun and needed something ice cold. I opted for a Cinnamon Mocha Freeze. OMG - it was freaking delicious. I will go back for another of those.... :)
Anyway, I am posting pictures here to share with all of you. I hope that you have attended your local events. If you have the ability to help your local ACS in any way, I say please do so. What they do is offer hope... and that is something I think we can all live with.
Today, I am inspired by the lives of so many others who continue to reach out and touch my life. I hope that I can return that gift as I continue to heal.
Have a blessed and beautiful week.
So did I actually jog the whole event? YES I DID. In 35 minutes actually and I set a personal best record since getting this disease. It was hard, and I carried the medallion and the pink rose they gave me. Each time a piece of the rose fell, I made a wish for someone I knew with breast cancer. The sun was hard on me but I refused to let it get to me this year. I sought shade where possible - although very limited, it did help and the water and gatorade on the road was excellent this year. There were cheerleaders and all kinds of people on the route cheering me on as I ran and it touched my heart - and apparently my legs because I ran faster than normal. Actually, I have to thank the young 20+ yo man who passed me four or five times. After the last time, I thought to myself, "No ya don't, you're not passing me again...." so I kicked it up a notch. Finally, one of our LT's in the PD came and ran in the final 1/8 mile with me - very cool and appreciated. Thank you Marc.
Unknown to me, I would beat some other fine folks that I would never have thought possible. Surely they sat down somewhere, had a Coke, used the rest room, etc.....lol. My sister, Sherry, even ran more than of this event. This after having a knee replaced. She rocks. The excitement at this event always far exceeds my expectations and MSABC has become my favorite day of the year. It fuels my faith and hope that I can and will continue to beat this disease. Each day I count down is one more day to living as a free woman. As of today, I am one year, three months and two days breast cancer free. Thank you, Jesus.
I did win an awesome "Fun in the Sun" package that contained a pink lounge chair (awesome!), a lime cooler on wheels (very awesome) and a brilliantly colored bag by Anne Ormsby filled with all kinds of goodies and one over sized lime beach towel. Thank you so much to the people who pulled it together. I love it.
I saw all the ladies that work at ACS who make this event happen. They are to be commended for their hard work. Erica, Anne, Denise, Lana (school) - and so many others behind the scenes. Also, to Pam M., Marketing Director at the Avenues - awesome as usual. I had the privilege of meeting all these women when I was selected for the makeover in August. I met some other wonderful people also. When I was buying tickets to "win" something, I realized that the donations/prizes were going to help an elderly woman with breast cancer. Yep, give me $20 in tickets. Didn't matter if I won or not, I wanted to help her win - the battle. The group of them had such a beautiful accent - I think it was English, but I'm not sure and they were just good decent people. I'm glad I crossed paths with them.
Our group went to Mimi's for breakfast, but I wasn't hungry. I was overheated from the sun and needed something ice cold. I opted for a Cinnamon Mocha Freeze. OMG - it was freaking delicious. I will go back for another of those.... :)
Anyway, I am posting pictures here to share with all of you. I hope that you have attended your local events. If you have the ability to help your local ACS in any way, I say please do so. What they do is offer hope... and that is something I think we can all live with.
Today, I am inspired by the lives of so many others who continue to reach out and touch my life. I hope that I can return that gift as I continue to heal.
Have a blessed and beautiful week.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
4,000 Friends
I think that in two days, I shall go for a nice walk (well....jog actually) with 4,000 of my closest friends. Yep!!! Finally, it's time for the annual Making Strides Against Breast Cancer 5K. My team, The Spice Rack has raised nearly $4,500 and I am so proud of them as they are surely making a difference in a future breast cancer patient's life.
On top of that, so many more folks from work have signed on to go and walk or run as well. I am so pleased that I have possibly inspired them to take a part in something so special to so many cancer patients. Awareness and research will make all the difference for future generations. Last year's Making Strides event CD is done and I got a copy and lo and behold I am in it several times and I say this to all of you, if you have not yet gone to one of these events - DO IT!!!! That day last year changed my perspective entirely. I went from "thinking" I would beat this cancer, to knowing it deep in my soul. I felt it because of all the love and caring and hope that came from that event that day. I am excited to participate again. Thank you Jesus for giving me that opportunity to be here to stroll that same path again....
If you are involved I wish you great strides! Thank you for all you do in helping fund the cure.....until next time....
Hugs~
On top of that, so many more folks from work have signed on to go and walk or run as well. I am so pleased that I have possibly inspired them to take a part in something so special to so many cancer patients. Awareness and research will make all the difference for future generations. Last year's Making Strides event CD is done and I got a copy and lo and behold I am in it several times and I say this to all of you, if you have not yet gone to one of these events - DO IT!!!! That day last year changed my perspective entirely. I went from "thinking" I would beat this cancer, to knowing it deep in my soul. I felt it because of all the love and caring and hope that came from that event that day. I am excited to participate again. Thank you Jesus for giving me that opportunity to be here to stroll that same path again....
If you are involved I wish you great strides! Thank you for all you do in helping fund the cure.....until next time....
Hugs~
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Women of Hope
I joined a group meeting in the hopes of meeting others like myself - for many reasons. One, I might not feel so alone in this journey (although I would NEVER wish this on anyone else), two, we may be able to help lift each others spirits when we are down (and I have had my share of those days), and three, to continue to break out of my little box as I promised myself I would.
Who knew I would meet another Triple Negative. She's Stage 4 and guess what - she has been since 2007. THAT is a true miracle walking. Any other TNBCs out there reading need to go back and read that sentence again - She is still walking among us...Wow and amen. Let me tell you just a few things she shared with me - who knows, her journey thus far may help you:
1. They put her on Femara even though triple negatives rarely respond (she did)
2. She takes Zometa every month - it helps her bones release marrow - and her hip has regrown by itself.
3. She has had 42, yes, I said 42 chemotherapy treatment and has hair and a sense of humor.
I also met another wonderful new member, Karen. She too is a BC survivor and recently lost her husband. I could see the pain in her eyes yet there she was trying to get through the day. Her children are struggling. I hope you will keep her kids in your thoughts and prayers for surely as much as we go through, the kids take it quite hard.
I leave you with this for today. Fear is in my mind but the Spirit is in my heart. Did you know that "Fear Not" is in the bible 360 times?? That is almost one time for every single day of the year....interesting, huh...and in my dark hours when I am afraid, I try to remember these things and be comforted in knowing and remembering that I am exactly where God wants me to be. And so are YOU~~ :)
Have an awesome week~~ Hugs.
Who knew I would meet another Triple Negative. She's Stage 4 and guess what - she has been since 2007. THAT is a true miracle walking. Any other TNBCs out there reading need to go back and read that sentence again - She is still walking among us...Wow and amen. Let me tell you just a few things she shared with me - who knows, her journey thus far may help you:
1. They put her on Femara even though triple negatives rarely respond (she did)
2. She takes Zometa every month - it helps her bones release marrow - and her hip has regrown by itself.
3. She has had 42, yes, I said 42 chemotherapy treatment and has hair and a sense of humor.
I also met another wonderful new member, Karen. She too is a BC survivor and recently lost her husband. I could see the pain in her eyes yet there she was trying to get through the day. Her children are struggling. I hope you will keep her kids in your thoughts and prayers for surely as much as we go through, the kids take it quite hard.
I leave you with this for today. Fear is in my mind but the Spirit is in my heart. Did you know that "Fear Not" is in the bible 360 times?? That is almost one time for every single day of the year....interesting, huh...and in my dark hours when I am afraid, I try to remember these things and be comforted in knowing and remembering that I am exactly where God wants me to be. And so are YOU~~ :)
Have an awesome week~~ Hugs.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Recouping
This weekend has been about allowing my body to recoup. I have had no home work to do, no major house projects, no nothing. So I am just enjoying allowing myself down time.
My pup, Reina will require surgery to her knee which I will have done after the first of the year. She's only two and a half, so her prognosis thereafter is very good. She is like my child so I have no intention of putting her down. When I was sick she never left my side. Somewhere on this site is a picture of her laying on me while I rested on the couch. She was distraught not knowing what to do - but ever faithful, and so I will be with her as she goes through some tough days.
Feeling good. I ran 3 miles on Thursday. It was HARDDDDDD but I did it. Took me much longer than anticipated probably because I attempted it the day after a 2.75 mile run, so I had to walk for a minute, twice. No biggy....Like I said before - baby steps turn into greater steps. These little milestones are all about making my body healthier and stronger on the inside.
Was at an F.I.T (FL Institute of Tech) Wellness program on Friday taking photographs of one of our volunteers and an acupuncturist took my pulse and said to have my doc check my lungs. Interesting she said that as she had no idea what I've been through. I told her and she said it could have been the anesthesia, but to still have my lungs checked. Funny, I'm always trying to clear them. Hmm - check - will do.
You all have a wonderful week. Halloween is almost here, again (thank you, Jesus) and Thanksgiving is right around the corner. I am thrilled because I survived to see it - again. YESSS!!!!! Hope, faith, and love........
My pup, Reina will require surgery to her knee which I will have done after the first of the year. She's only two and a half, so her prognosis thereafter is very good. She is like my child so I have no intention of putting her down. When I was sick she never left my side. Somewhere on this site is a picture of her laying on me while I rested on the couch. She was distraught not knowing what to do - but ever faithful, and so I will be with her as she goes through some tough days.
Feeling good. I ran 3 miles on Thursday. It was HARDDDDDD but I did it. Took me much longer than anticipated probably because I attempted it the day after a 2.75 mile run, so I had to walk for a minute, twice. No biggy....Like I said before - baby steps turn into greater steps. These little milestones are all about making my body healthier and stronger on the inside.
Was at an F.I.T (FL Institute of Tech) Wellness program on Friday taking photographs of one of our volunteers and an acupuncturist took my pulse and said to have my doc check my lungs. Interesting she said that as she had no idea what I've been through. I told her and she said it could have been the anesthesia, but to still have my lungs checked. Funny, I'm always trying to clear them. Hmm - check - will do.
You all have a wonderful week. Halloween is almost here, again (thank you, Jesus) and Thanksgiving is right around the corner. I am thrilled because I survived to see it - again. YESSS!!!!! Hope, faith, and love........
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
It's a "Chile" life
Today's blog is not about cancer. It is simple and is dedicated to the 33 miners who are being pulled one at a time from a mine shaft near Copiapo, Chile, after more than 69 days of captivity underground. They have just removed the 12th miner (a 56 yo man) from a tube that is over 8 football fields in length that carried him to safety. The world watches today and I've seen tears of joy from San Francisco to Sri Lanka and I believe that our hearts are united in this - we are all grateful.
I can see the joy spread completely across his face as he realizes all is well. Now, I will sit here and pray and wait for each of the rest of the 21 miners who await rescue. I lost a boyfriend to a mining accident in the 90's. His death was tragic and deeply saddened me. I am so very happy to see that these men are going to be ok and I have no doubt that each one of them have been chosen to do something with their lives. The collapse of the mine was amazing in itself, but then a few of the men told a story about white butterflies leading them to safety inside the steel trailer..Again, I say they have been chosen.
Finally, to those who did not give up and have worked so hard to design the tube and get it down there to arrange the rescue, you have surely earned your wings today.
May you all have a very blessed day.
I can see the joy spread completely across his face as he realizes all is well. Now, I will sit here and pray and wait for each of the rest of the 21 miners who await rescue. I lost a boyfriend to a mining accident in the 90's. His death was tragic and deeply saddened me. I am so very happy to see that these men are going to be ok and I have no doubt that each one of them have been chosen to do something with their lives. The collapse of the mine was amazing in itself, but then a few of the men told a story about white butterflies leading them to safety inside the steel trailer..Again, I say they have been chosen.
Finally, to those who did not give up and have worked so hard to design the tube and get it down there to arrange the rescue, you have surely earned your wings today.
May you all have a very blessed day.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Baby Steps
This morning, I did it. I jogged 2.75 miles. Of course it took me a while - 30 minutes to be exact, but I did it. When I first finished my run, I was a wee bit disappointed because it "took me so long", and then I laughed at myself.
"So long" can be defined as the following:
1. The first grueling few minutes in which I heard I had cancer
2. The hours after surgery - when I hurled morphine across the room (that was fun).
3. Trying - wanting - to lie down flat on my back - or just sit up by myself.
4. Last year's Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk - I almost didn't finish.
5. This whole last year in which my entire life has been changed.
6. Finding out someone else has breast cancer...and crying inside.
Those were times that are/were "so long". 30 minutes to run 2.75 miles, something I have been pushing myself, and cheering myself on to do, is a great 30 minutes. I used to be able to run that same 2.75 miles in 20 minutes, but so what, I'm also ten years older, and my body has been to hell and back. So, I say, "yay for me!" Those weren't baby steps today, those were great steps to living my life.....
And so, my friends, my thought for you today is this - baby steps are good, because they will bring you to greater steps in your life. Stick with it, laugh at yourself and enjoy the very moment. Love to you~ ;)
"So long" can be defined as the following:
1. The first grueling few minutes in which I heard I had cancer
2. The hours after surgery - when I hurled morphine across the room (that was fun).
3. Trying - wanting - to lie down flat on my back - or just sit up by myself.
4. Last year's Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk - I almost didn't finish.
5. This whole last year in which my entire life has been changed.
6. Finding out someone else has breast cancer...and crying inside.
Those were times that are/were "so long". 30 minutes to run 2.75 miles, something I have been pushing myself, and cheering myself on to do, is a great 30 minutes. I used to be able to run that same 2.75 miles in 20 minutes, but so what, I'm also ten years older, and my body has been to hell and back. So, I say, "yay for me!" Those weren't baby steps today, those were great steps to living my life.....
And so, my friends, my thought for you today is this - baby steps are good, because they will bring you to greater steps in your life. Stick with it, laugh at yourself and enjoy the very moment. Love to you~ ;)
Friday, October 8, 2010
No to the Mammo
Hello all. Well, I found out recently that I should not have allowed a doc here to perform a mammogram. After six surgeries, complications, and implants, mammograms are not the smartest thing to do on a post breast cancer patient like me. I have not clarified if that is all patients, most, or just me, so right now consider it "sharing".
Additionally, when I received my results, they refer to "ducts' in the left side - not possible; again, I have implants, nothing else. So, now because of all that, I am being scheduled for an MRI in Tampa where my specialist is at, and she is flagging my records that NO mammograms are to be performed on me. Bottom line is that you really cannot see around the implant anyway as they are opaque and all you see is a white round blob. Needless to say, I was annoyed but as far as I can tell, no injury was done to my chest. Still freaks me out a little though because I trusted this other doctor to do the right thing and I shouldn't have. Anyway, forgiven.
On to better things. Last night, I spent a wonderful evening at the Melting Pot with my friend and co-worker Maria, her daughter's Adrienne (BC patient) and Rachel, and some of their friends. We had a nice dinner, massages, parrafins, and other nice treats compliments of Imperial Spa. It was sweet.....and so was the chocolate.
The Quilt - there is finally a winner. Today, we did the drawing for the winner of the handmade quilt to benefit Making Strides Against Breast Cancer. The winner is "Families of the Shield". FOTS is an awesome local law enforcement non-profit group who goes above and beyond to take "care of their own" and families of law enforcement officers. They are truly a wonderful group. Without hesitation, they donated $100 to this fund raiser. I was so thrilled for them and when I emailed Officer John Pasko on FB, "the Good Lord always gives back to his servants"......he emailed me back donating it back to me to give to a worthy cause or individual. Now, I could give it to any one of the 200 people that donated, but the one that stands out the very most to me is a special lady who lost her mother to cancer just a short year ago. It was a terrible thing. The most amazing thing that I didn't even know is that they loved butterflies, and her sister even wrote a book honoring her mom. The name of it? "She Comes to Me in Butterflies". By now, my friend knows this is her, so Liz, I would be completely honored if you would hang this on your dining room wall - just where you showed me you would put it if you won - next to your mother's picture. That would do my heart good. And I hope that everyone else will join me in the joy it will bring to her.
As I have said so often, in so many ways, cancer sucks but thanks to research and wonderful doctors, not all of us will fall to it. It is a true tragedy that anyone loses their life to this dreadful disease in today's day and age so it is imperative that we continue to push hard for research and better care for cancer patients.
My team in Making Strides against Breast Cancer has been doing just that. Together, our beautiful team of 7, has now raised of $4399.00! These ladies are amazing, and I am so grateful to have them helping me. Helping me they are helping research and helping others. Jill, Mary, Angie, Dee, Donna, Adrienne....thank you.
Thank you all so, so, so, much for sharing in this and helping save the lives of breast cancer patients. Hugs to all.
Additionally, when I received my results, they refer to "ducts' in the left side - not possible; again, I have implants, nothing else. So, now because of all that, I am being scheduled for an MRI in Tampa where my specialist is at, and she is flagging my records that NO mammograms are to be performed on me. Bottom line is that you really cannot see around the implant anyway as they are opaque and all you see is a white round blob. Needless to say, I was annoyed but as far as I can tell, no injury was done to my chest. Still freaks me out a little though because I trusted this other doctor to do the right thing and I shouldn't have. Anyway, forgiven.
On to better things. Last night, I spent a wonderful evening at the Melting Pot with my friend and co-worker Maria, her daughter's Adrienne (BC patient) and Rachel, and some of their friends. We had a nice dinner, massages, parrafins, and other nice treats compliments of Imperial Spa. It was sweet.....and so was the chocolate.
The Quilt - there is finally a winner. Today, we did the drawing for the winner of the handmade quilt to benefit Making Strides Against Breast Cancer. The winner is "Families of the Shield". FOTS is an awesome local law enforcement non-profit group who goes above and beyond to take "care of their own" and families of law enforcement officers. They are truly a wonderful group. Without hesitation, they donated $100 to this fund raiser. I was so thrilled for them and when I emailed Officer John Pasko on FB, "the Good Lord always gives back to his servants"......he emailed me back donating it back to me to give to a worthy cause or individual. Now, I could give it to any one of the 200 people that donated, but the one that stands out the very most to me is a special lady who lost her mother to cancer just a short year ago. It was a terrible thing. The most amazing thing that I didn't even know is that they loved butterflies, and her sister even wrote a book honoring her mom. The name of it? "She Comes to Me in Butterflies". By now, my friend knows this is her, so Liz, I would be completely honored if you would hang this on your dining room wall - just where you showed me you would put it if you won - next to your mother's picture. That would do my heart good. And I hope that everyone else will join me in the joy it will bring to her.
As I have said so often, in so many ways, cancer sucks but thanks to research and wonderful doctors, not all of us will fall to it. It is a true tragedy that anyone loses their life to this dreadful disease in today's day and age so it is imperative that we continue to push hard for research and better care for cancer patients.
My team in Making Strides against Breast Cancer has been doing just that. Together, our beautiful team of 7, has now raised of $4399.00! These ladies are amazing, and I am so grateful to have them helping me. Helping me they are helping research and helping others. Jill, Mary, Angie, Dee, Donna, Adrienne....thank you.
Thank you all so, so, so, much for sharing in this and helping save the lives of breast cancer patients. Hugs to all.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Let the Mammograms Begin.....
Last week, I had my first mammogram since learning of my cancer and having my surgeries. Little did I know, when I had decided to go with the silicone implants that they would be opaque during mammography. Yep.
As I watched the screen come up I saw two perfectly white blobs come up. I knew what they were, but what bothered me is you couldn't see around them. So, we had to take several more photographs to get all the way around. The good news to all of it is, having had a bilateral and now with implants, mammograms don't bother me one little bit. Not even a wince! Why? Still really can't feel that much of them. I know, it sounds crazy, but it is still a little strange to me too.
It is what it is, right? And I will still rise each morning and give thanks to God for allowing me more time with my children and family. I love being alive and a part of every thing that goes on around me. I'm so much more fascinated by the little things...
Cheers! :)
As I watched the screen come up I saw two perfectly white blobs come up. I knew what they were, but what bothered me is you couldn't see around them. So, we had to take several more photographs to get all the way around. The good news to all of it is, having had a bilateral and now with implants, mammograms don't bother me one little bit. Not even a wince! Why? Still really can't feel that much of them. I know, it sounds crazy, but it is still a little strange to me too.
It is what it is, right? And I will still rise each morning and give thanks to God for allowing me more time with my children and family. I love being alive and a part of every thing that goes on around me. I'm so much more fascinated by the little things...
Cheers! :)
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Making Strides Against Breast Cancer
This is the letter I sent to the American Cancer Society and was selected for a makeover on 19 Aug 2010 along with five other women. It was a great day.
I having meant to put this on here, but I have forgotten (one of the my little side effects). Anyway, I share this with everyone, but I hope it touches every woman's heart:
I write to tell you of my journey with breast cancer with two-fold hopes; that you will select me for a makeover, and that I may inspire another whose journey is just beginning. I am 45 years old and the daughter to parents who died of cancer, a sister to nine siblings, a mother to two sons, and a retired U.S. Army soldier.
In June 2009, while sitting in my office, I received the dreaded phone call that changed my whole world in four simple words: “You have breast cancer.” More words followed, but I heard none of them. In the following weeks, a series of a hundred invasive tests were performed, and I felt humiliated and embarrassed. Everyone was kind and patient, as quietly, I cried on the inside. I couldn’t believe what was happening; I didn’t feel sick, tired maybe , but not sick. I have always taken pretty good care of myself but when my sister was diagnosed as triple negative breast cancer patient in 2007, it got my attention and I got a mammogram. A mammogram caught my cancer early and although BRCA negative, I too, am a triple negative.
From the beginning, I promised myself that I would get up, dress up, and show up and for the most part, I have. I have children, and although grown, this is scary stuff so it was time to put the game face on. With every surgery and setback, I am more determined beat this. Fighting cancer has absolutely been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but it has also been a gift. I look at everything much differently now. Today, six surgeries and several infections later, I will not stay down. I am a mother and a pink warrior. In Spring 2011, I hope to complete a Dual Master’s Degree. Strangely enough, college has been a source of strength for me; a way to help me maintain control of my life. It keeps me focused and it sets the bar pretty high for my children, too.
I have poured my heart into a blog, in a positive manner, in hopes to inspire someone else. I hope it has. One of my first entries in June 2009 was this:
“I am frightened, but I have faith. I am educated, but not in this. So, what's a girl to do? Put my faith in God and know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be today. And that's enough for me.”
And so, I reflect on that passage and say, “Everything is moving along. I am still a little frightened at times, but I am not afraid because I have educated myself in this disease. I place my faith in God, always, and still believe that I am exactly where he wants me to be… today, and everyday… and that is all I ask for.
The bottom line is that in the last year, I have lost my breasts, my memory, all of my hair, my dignity, my strength, and even fake friends; however, I have never lost hope, faith, my family, my sense of humor or real friends.
My life has been a roller coaster of tears, fears, hope, prayer, hugs, help, and every other source of assistance imaginable. My friends and family are closer to me than I could have ever imagined and for which I am eternally grateful. My tush may be bigger, but so is my heart. I’ve lost much, but I've gained so much more out of life and each day is a beautiful gift. I am committed to living my life and not just merely existing in it. Not just for me, but for others like me.
My message for women: You are never alone. I know how you can be in a room of 50 people and feel completely alone, but shrug it off and get back out there. Define your cancer; do not let it define you. Put your face on it, not vice versa, and then walk this chosen path with your head held high. Have a positive attitude, and smile, and the world will smile with you.
As for me, I am committed to helping women. Even today there is still a taboo about breast cancer; I want to break it and keep talking about it - whatever it takes. No woman should ever go through this feeling alone.
I having meant to put this on here, but I have forgotten (one of the my little side effects). Anyway, I share this with everyone, but I hope it touches every woman's heart:
I write to tell you of my journey with breast cancer with two-fold hopes; that you will select me for a makeover, and that I may inspire another whose journey is just beginning. I am 45 years old and the daughter to parents who died of cancer, a sister to nine siblings, a mother to two sons, and a retired U.S. Army soldier.
In June 2009, while sitting in my office, I received the dreaded phone call that changed my whole world in four simple words: “You have breast cancer.” More words followed, but I heard none of them. In the following weeks, a series of a hundred invasive tests were performed, and I felt humiliated and embarrassed. Everyone was kind and patient, as quietly, I cried on the inside. I couldn’t believe what was happening; I didn’t feel sick, tired maybe , but not sick. I have always taken pretty good care of myself but when my sister was diagnosed as triple negative breast cancer patient in 2007, it got my attention and I got a mammogram. A mammogram caught my cancer early and although BRCA negative, I too, am a triple negative.
From the beginning, I promised myself that I would get up, dress up, and show up and for the most part, I have. I have children, and although grown, this is scary stuff so it was time to put the game face on. With every surgery and setback, I am more determined beat this. Fighting cancer has absolutely been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but it has also been a gift. I look at everything much differently now. Today, six surgeries and several infections later, I will not stay down. I am a mother and a pink warrior. In Spring 2011, I hope to complete a Dual Master’s Degree. Strangely enough, college has been a source of strength for me; a way to help me maintain control of my life. It keeps me focused and it sets the bar pretty high for my children, too.
I have poured my heart into a blog, in a positive manner, in hopes to inspire someone else. I hope it has. One of my first entries in June 2009 was this:
“I am frightened, but I have faith. I am educated, but not in this. So, what's a girl to do? Put my faith in God and know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be today. And that's enough for me.”
And so, I reflect on that passage and say, “Everything is moving along. I am still a little frightened at times, but I am not afraid because I have educated myself in this disease. I place my faith in God, always, and still believe that I am exactly where he wants me to be… today, and everyday… and that is all I ask for.
The bottom line is that in the last year, I have lost my breasts, my memory, all of my hair, my dignity, my strength, and even fake friends; however, I have never lost hope, faith, my family, my sense of humor or real friends.
My life has been a roller coaster of tears, fears, hope, prayer, hugs, help, and every other source of assistance imaginable. My friends and family are closer to me than I could have ever imagined and for which I am eternally grateful. My tush may be bigger, but so is my heart. I’ve lost much, but I've gained so much more out of life and each day is a beautiful gift. I am committed to living my life and not just merely existing in it. Not just for me, but for others like me.
My message for women: You are never alone. I know how you can be in a room of 50 people and feel completely alone, but shrug it off and get back out there. Define your cancer; do not let it define you. Put your face on it, not vice versa, and then walk this chosen path with your head held high. Have a positive attitude, and smile, and the world will smile with you.
As for me, I am committed to helping women. Even today there is still a taboo about breast cancer; I want to break it and keep talking about it - whatever it takes. No woman should ever go through this feeling alone.
Catching up
The last few weeks have flown by and I have stayed very busy with work, school and my new-old passion....jogging. Jogging at a very, very slow pace. It is my hope that after last year's Making Strides event that I can jog it this year on 23 Oct. Last year I just barely completed it, but I was just two days out of chemo and only two weeks out from being hit by a truck and still had a concussion and back and leg issues.
I want to do this not just for me, but for every woman out there who has ever had, and who ever will have breast cancer. If you are reading this, let me remind you of good news in the fight against breast cancer, research has made exceptional strides and nowadays this disease is not necessarily a death sentence. Re-read that and repeat it to yourself. It CAN and is being incorporated and managed by thousands of women all over the world. There IS hope, so don't you give up, not today, not tomorrow, not ever.....Not everyone will make it, but HOPE and faith, and prayer are very powerful.
This journey has brought me closer to my God, my family, my friends (old and new) and to a disease that took the lives of both of my parents. While I am not fond of this relationship one bit, this is the path chosen for me and that being the case, I shall hold my head high and hope that somehow I can assist just one other person each day in their journey. If it's you, I hope you respond back to me. My friend, Lari-Lane, passed away recently and when I logged back on to make some notes, I found a message here from her sister. THAT touched me more that words can convey.
My next post on here will be the memo to the American Cancer Society, the one that got me selected for the makeover with five other phenomenal women. This coming month, in October, we will be featured in the Space Coast Charm Magazine. I am both humbled and honored by this but again, I say, my goal is not publicity of me, but of this disease to help reach someone else who may need a hand, or a heart.
The Spice Rack. My own personal team of seven women from my office that have been fund raising for the Making Strides event. I am SO proud of: Mary, Angie, Donna, Dee, Jill, and Adrienne for all their efforts. As of Saturday evening we were over $2800!! That is amazing and the efforts of only seven - imagine what 7,000 women can raise!! I hope you will join us in our efforts. Please consider a small donation to Making Strides Against Breast Cancer at:
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/MakingStridesAgainstBreastCancer/MSABCFY11Florida?px=15738629&pg=personal&fr_id=28015
Love to all. Have a blessed week!
I want to do this not just for me, but for every woman out there who has ever had, and who ever will have breast cancer. If you are reading this, let me remind you of good news in the fight against breast cancer, research has made exceptional strides and nowadays this disease is not necessarily a death sentence. Re-read that and repeat it to yourself. It CAN and is being incorporated and managed by thousands of women all over the world. There IS hope, so don't you give up, not today, not tomorrow, not ever.....Not everyone will make it, but HOPE and faith, and prayer are very powerful.
This journey has brought me closer to my God, my family, my friends (old and new) and to a disease that took the lives of both of my parents. While I am not fond of this relationship one bit, this is the path chosen for me and that being the case, I shall hold my head high and hope that somehow I can assist just one other person each day in their journey. If it's you, I hope you respond back to me. My friend, Lari-Lane, passed away recently and when I logged back on to make some notes, I found a message here from her sister. THAT touched me more that words can convey.
My next post on here will be the memo to the American Cancer Society, the one that got me selected for the makeover with five other phenomenal women. This coming month, in October, we will be featured in the Space Coast Charm Magazine. I am both humbled and honored by this but again, I say, my goal is not publicity of me, but of this disease to help reach someone else who may need a hand, or a heart.
The Spice Rack. My own personal team of seven women from my office that have been fund raising for the Making Strides event. I am SO proud of: Mary, Angie, Donna, Dee, Jill, and Adrienne for all their efforts. As of Saturday evening we were over $2800!! That is amazing and the efforts of only seven - imagine what 7,000 women can raise!! I hope you will join us in our efforts. Please consider a small donation to Making Strides Against Breast Cancer at:
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/MakingStridesAgainstBreastCancer/MSABCFY11Florida?px=15738629&pg=personal&fr_id=28015
Love to all. Have a blessed week!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Goodbye Lari-Lane
I walked into my office to not one, but two heart breaks this morning. The husband of one of our officers passed away from lung cancer last night. It all happened so fast that I'm certain that my friend and co-worker must be completely distraught. I'm still stunned. May Tim rest in peace.
The next shock that sent me reeling was several face book messages, thank you everyone, notifying me of a dear friend's passing. Lari-Lane Payne, retired U.S. Army Master Sergeant, Mother, Sister, amazing and phenomenal woman and friend.
I am surely a better woman myself for having known you and I am deeply, deeply saddened by the world's loss today. You were always a great friend to me - especially during this last year when I myself fought this battle. You didn't tell me your cancer was back even all the while when you were donating to my charities....and I was on your list of causes on FB...go figure - just goes to show the kind of woman you have always been. I have many stories to tell the kids and grandchildren, and one day, I hope they ask me, because I will make them smile and laugh. Remember when I took off my rank and walked out? You took me by the hand and said "Hey, go take care of your son and come back, everything will be fine." And it was.
I will miss you so my friend. May your soul rest in hands of Jesus Christ...Today, my tears fall for you, but I know in my heart that you are in a wonderful place. One day, we will meet again and until then via condios.....
The next shock that sent me reeling was several face book messages, thank you everyone, notifying me of a dear friend's passing. Lari-Lane Payne, retired U.S. Army Master Sergeant, Mother, Sister, amazing and phenomenal woman and friend.
I am surely a better woman myself for having known you and I am deeply, deeply saddened by the world's loss today. You were always a great friend to me - especially during this last year when I myself fought this battle. You didn't tell me your cancer was back even all the while when you were donating to my charities....and I was on your list of causes on FB...go figure - just goes to show the kind of woman you have always been. I have many stories to tell the kids and grandchildren, and one day, I hope they ask me, because I will make them smile and laugh. Remember when I took off my rank and walked out? You took me by the hand and said "Hey, go take care of your son and come back, everything will be fine." And it was.
I will miss you so my friend. May your soul rest in hands of Jesus Christ...Today, my tears fall for you, but I know in my heart that you are in a wonderful place. One day, we will meet again and until then via condios.....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)